Treat It With Care
by R.D. Ridge
Summary: This will be a multi-chapter fic set directly after the last scene of 4x12 (spoilers). Lots of angst.
1. Chapter 1

Maura strained to hold back a whimper. Jane had just told her about Casey's proposal.

_Casey is going back to Afghanistan._

_For how long?_

_I don't know. He said he hadn't decided whether to reenlist. He will unless…_

_Unless what?_

_Unless I marry him._

Maura's practiced poise in unexpected situations betrayed her and she knew Jane caught a glimpse of the raw emotions that crossed her face in the split second it took for her composure to return.

Maura cleared her throat and did her best to keep her voice steady, "Have you given him your answer?"

"No…I mean not yet. I haven't given him an answer yet."

Maura desperately wanted to say more. She had so many questions swirling around in her brain, each one clamoring for attention. What was Jane thinking? Was she excited about the proposal? Upset? Scared? Angry? Was she planning on saying "yes"? Or "no"? What did it all mean? But Maura simply nodded at her friend as she saw Casey walking back towards them.

"I think Paddy is going to be just fine here. I mean look at him, already surrounded by friends from his old neighborhood," Casey boasted as he placed his hand on Jane's lower back and kissed her on the cheek.

Maura fought a frantic internal battle to subdue the nausea and panic that was building within her. She swallowed hard and tried on a smile as Casey turned to look at her, but she knew the smile didn't reach her eyes and most likely looked far less than genuine. Maura's attempt to look casual must have passed, as Casey didn't give her a second look.

"Alright, well I need to get going. I want to get all my errands done so we can spend our last night together," Casey said, looking affectionately at Jane.

"Okay, I'm going to drive Maura home, so just give me a call when you're through."

Casey leaned in to kiss Jane goodbye and Maura had to look away. She had never been bothered by Casey and Jane's displays of affection before, but this time was different. This time it actually meant something, and Maura was visited with a stronger wave of nausea as she tried to wrap her mind around everything that was happening.

The drive to Maura's house was quiet; neither woman knew how to make small talk after the bomb that had just been dropped. Maura's head was spinning, and both the logical and emotional parts of her brain were warring as she decided what she should say next. It was Jane who finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"I haven't decided."

Maura was caught of guard and was unable to put Jane's words into context. "What?"

"I haven't decided what my answer will be. To Casey. Whether or not I want to marry him."

"Oh."

"That's all you have to say, 'oh'? Come on Maur, I know you, what are you really thinking?"

Jane pulled her cruiser into Maura's driveway and looked pointedly at her friend. Maura's rising anxiety made it hard to regulate her breathing and she knew Jane would be acutely aware of this fact.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're panting like you just ran up Heartbreak Hill and you're getting paler by the second. Let's get you inside."

Jane exited the car and came around to the passenger side to help Maura into the house. Jane settled Maura on the couch and went into the kitchen, she returned with a bottle of water and a small bowl of assorted nuts.

"I don't think you've eaten today, so have a few of these. You could use the protein."

Maura smiled gratefully up at her friend as Jane placed the items in front of her on the coffee table, and smiled an even bigger smile internally that Jane had made sure to use a coaster for the water.

Jane moved into the front hallway to put her kit belt in the drawer Maura reserved for her, then made her way back into the living room and settled close to Maura on the couch as the Doctor ate and drank Jane's offerings

"So, care to share what's going on? You looked like you were having a panic attack in the car."

"It's nothing." Maura silently cursed at herself for the hives now creeping up her neck.

"Hives, Dr. Isles," Jane chuckled and grabbed both of Maura's hands in her own. "Come on Maura, you know you can tell me anything."

At that moment Maura was overcome with a realization. It was now or never. Casey had actually _proposed_ to Jane. He was no longer one of the many men who briefly entered and just as quickly exited their lives; he was the real deal, a genuine threat. He could actually take Jane away from her.

Maura steeled herself for Jane's reaction to what she was about to say. Hoping that it wouldn't come as a shock to the Detective, but knowing there was little chance of that. Hoping that she wouldn't lose Jane over it, but knowing that if she didn't say it right now there was a good chance she'd lose her anyway.

"I love you, Jane."

Jane just grinned back at her friend's serious expression, "I love you too, Maura."

"No, I don't think you're understanding me. I'm _in_ love with you, Jane. Hopelessly, undeniably, irrationally _in_ love with you."

"I've sat for hours at a time marveling at how my life has changed since I met you. How you, this lone person, could change my reality, the way I approach life, the way others perceive me. You've captivated me, consumed me, to the point where I don't know who I am without you. You're the reason I want to wake up in the morning, the reason I want to use my knowledge, the reason I want to exist in this world. You're my reason. Since the day I met you you've been my reason."

Maura took a deep breath and continued on as she stared down at her hands still clasped in Jane's, "You're my best friend and for a long time I thought that was enough, but it's not. Not anymore. I've been so afraid to say the words, worried I would ruin us, ruin what we have, but I can't go another day without telling you. I can't bear that you would marry Casey without ever knowing how I feel. I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"If you don't feel the same I understand and I desperately hope our friendship will continue, but I couldn't miss the chance to tell you how I feel. I've loved you since the day I met you Jane Rizzoli, and even if you don't feel the same, even if you never do, I will always love you."

Maura stopped and slowly looked up into Jane's eyes, hoping beyond hope to see reciprocated love and understanding there, but what stared back at her instead was unmistakable fear and distress. Jane dropped Maura's hands and ran her fingers through her unruly hair; she stood abruptly and began to walk towards the front door.

"Jane? Jane I…" Maura's voice was full of emotion as she attempted to stand and go after Jane.

At the thickness in Maura's voice Jane turned sharply to look at her friend, panic still etched into the Detective's features. Maura stopped her movement, afraid she might spook Jane, and for a long moment they just stared at one another. Jane looked at Maura as if they'd never met before. As if Maura was this brand new person Jane needed to study. Maura felt silent tears stream down her cheeks as she read Jane's expression and she searched her brain for anything she could say in that moment. Anything to make Jane realize she was still the same person she'd always been.

But just as quickly as Jane had stopped, she then turned and continued her movements towards the door.

Maura let out a primal sob she'd been holding in since Jane first broke the news of Casey's proposal, and finally let herself cry for what she was now certain she had lost as the door closed behind the Detective.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fair warning: It's going to get worse before it gets better.**

* * *

Jane could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she stepped out into the brisk Boston air. The setting sun was cooling down the city and it sent a shiver through the Detective as she let Maura's front door close behind her.

What had just happened? Had Maura really just said all of that? Confessed her love?

Jane leaned back against the closed door as a surge of dizziness gripped her and made the stability of her legs questionable. She tried to control her breathing, breath deeply, silently chanting '_in through your nose, out through your mouth_,' but to no avail. Every breath continued to come in short, panicky gasps, and every gulp felt like a knife stabbing her in the chest.

When she had prepared herself earlier to tell Maura about Casey's proposal she had fully expected the Doctor to tell her she was crazy for even considering accepting such a proposal, and foolish to think marriage would fix all of the problems in Jane and Casey's relationship. She had expected Maura to be upset that Casey's proposal was essentially an ultimatum, and maybe even to tell her that it was Casey's way of guilting Jane into marrying a solider to keep him out of a warzone. Jane had expected all of this, but she had blindsided by what had actually come out of the Maura's mouth.

Maura bypassed all those reasons Jane was anticipating, and instead ultimately gave her a new option all together. Proclaimed her love, asked Jane to pick her instead of Casey.

It was all too much for Jane. Did she love Maura? Of course she did, but did she love her in the way Maura claimed to love Jane? That was a whole other question.

After a few moments Jane realized she needed to get away, she couldn't bear to listen to the distressed cries echoing from within the house behind her. She straightened up and made her way to her cruiser.

Jane drove into the night, uncertain of where she was headed, all she knew was that she needed to get far away from Maura; put as much distance between them as possible.

Jane sped through Boston, running Maura's confession over and over in her mind. She continued to run over the facts, as she knew them to be, just as she would for a case that was put in front of her. What did she know? Maura is her best friend. _Was_ her best friend? She felt bile rise up in her throat as she contemplated that uncertainty. Maura had just told Jane that she loved her. No, that she was _in_ love with her. Jane learned that that little word made a big difference.

So Jane reassessed what she knew to be true:

Maura _was_ her best friend.

Maura _is_ in love with her.

Jane marveled at how it had all happened so fast. Or had it? Had Jane always known something was different about her relationship with Maura? Something special they shared that Jane had never experienced with anyone else? Yes. No. Maybe. In that moment Jane couldn't be sure, her mind was still racing and she couldn't keep her thoughts organized long enough to land on a coherent answer.

She was of course attracted to the Doctor, but come on it was Maura Isles, who wasn't? But just in a platonic way, right? I mean of course she had thought about Maura romantically, but that was normal for close friends, wasn't it? Despite these feelings Jane had never considered acting upon them, let alone had any inclination that Maura would be the one to act.

_Some detective you are_, she thought.

What did Maura hope to get out of her declaration of love? Did she want a relationship with Jane, or was she simply afraid of Jane loving someone else? What did she want?

The next emotion Jane felt was anger. Anger at Maura. Why was this all happening now? Why had Maura decided to let her desires be known now when all Jane wanted was for Maura to talk her out of marrying Casey?

That's when it occurred to Jane. Casey. The man had been in the forefront of this mess but his actual presence hadn't even crossed Jane's mind in the aftermath of Maura's profession of love.

"Shit!" Jane did a quick U-turn and headed back towards her apartment. In her haste to leave Maura's Jane had forgotten her kit belt and her phone, so she had no way of getting in touch with the man she was sure was currently waiting in her apartment. She briefly considered going back to Maura's to collect her belongings, but just as quickly let that thought fade as she contemplated having to confront the sobbing woman she left behind. She decided she shouldn't keep Casey waiting much longer and headed in the direction of her apartment

In Jane's desire to distance herself from Maura she drove much further than she realized, but she was relieved she didn't have to face Casey just yet. She knew she'd have to give him an answer tonight and was now more confused than ever as to what that answer would be. Casey was secure, stable. She knew she could have a comfortable life with him, knew he was the safe choice. She could almost see herself married to him. 2.3 kids and a house in the suburbs, her mother would be thrilled. Was he the right choice though? The right choice for her? After everything that he had put her through was he trustworthy enough to have her heart? An hour ago she would have said no, but now she wasn't sure of anything.

Jane let her thoughts drift back to Maura. How was she ever supposed to face her again? Now that she knew the truth, how could they ever go back to what they were? Did she want to go back to what they were now that she knew the Doctor's true feelings? Did Maura still love her after she walked out on her like that? Would she even still want to be friends after tonight?

Anger boiled to the surface again as Jane realized Maura had essentially done the same thing as Casey: given her an ultimatum. Love me, take a chance on me instead of him or lose me forever.

It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

As Jane pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment she let out a frustrated sigh and allowed her forehead to fall forward onto the steering wheel. She realized in that moment that she had lost her best friend. No matter which answer she gave Casey she would never be able to go back to what she had with Maura before all of this.

After a few more minutes mourning the loss of Maura Jane made her way upstairs and into her apartment.

Casey glanced up from the cutting board in the kitchen as she entered, "Hey, I was beginning to worry about you. I tried your cell a few times and even tried Maura's, but…" Casey trailed off as he looked up again and took in Jane's distraught appearance. "Jane? What's wrong?"

Jane observed Casey standing in her kitchen, this kind man who wanted nothing more than to love her and be loved by her in return. In that moment she realized he was the only sure thing in her life, she'd never have Maura to lean on again, not in the same way. She was scared to let him go, to be alone, and in her anguish she desperately needed something, anything, to hold onto. "Yes."

Casey seemed puzzled, "I'm sorry?"

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

For what seemed like an eternity neither of them moved. Jane and Casey just stood watching each other not sure of what should come next. Jane was the first to interrupt the stillness.

"I'll marry you, but only on one condition."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so long. Maura has a lot of feelings.**

* * *

Maura couldn't breathe. She thinks this must be what dying feels like. Who would have thought the stoic and resilient Dr. Maura Dorthea Isles would die of a broken heart? But she is sure that is in fact what's happening.

She hadn't left the couch since Jane vanished into the night and had no idea how long she'd sat there; 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days. Did it even really matter? All Maura knew in that moment was that she couldn't breathe and that she hurt. She hurt like she'd never hurt before. She was sure there was some data, some fact, sitting in the back of her mind that could tell her why her emotional hurt was manifesting itself physically, but as hard as she tried she couldn't recall one.

She must be dying.

Over her heavy gasps and sobs she failed to hear Angela make her way into the kitchen from the backdoor.

"Maura? Maura, Honey is that you?"

Maura didn't answer, hoping if she stayed quiet she wouldn't have to face the older woman. She knew she couldn't lie and that she'd be unable to hide her distraught condition from Angela. How could she possibly explain her current state?

Angela walked into the living room from the kitchen, "I'm just about moved back into the guest house now that Paddy is gone and I'm getting ready to start some dinner, care to…" Angela took one look at the crumpled mass on the couch that was Maura, let out a gasp and ran over to her. "Oh Honey, what's wrong?"

Maura could only let out a sniffle as the older woman sat down and embraced her.

"Oh Maura, Honey, please. What's going on? Is it your parents?"

Maura shook her head and tried to regain some composure. "Nnnoo..oo Angela, as faa..ar as I knno..oww my parents arr..rre well."

"Oh Sweet Girl, then tell me what's got you so upset? Is it that Australian bastard Ian? I'll kill him."

Maura just shook her head again.

Angela reached behind the couch and grabbed a box of tissues, offering one to Maura, which Maura gratefully accepted.

"Well, all I can say is if this is over a guy he is an absolute fool to turn down a catch like yourself. I mean really, who is he going to find that's better than you?"

Angela said the wrong thing and an intensified new round of tears gripped Maura as she let herself fall back into the couch.

"I'm so sorry Maura, I didn't mean to make it worse." Angela rubbed Maura's knee consolingly as she waited for the Doctor calm down once again. "It may be too soon for you to hear this, but you're so much better than this. Wallowing over some guy when every other man in the world would worship at your feet. Come on." Angela grabbed both of Maura's hands, pulled her up into a sitting and finally standing position and led her into the kitchen where she sat her on one of the barstools. "I'm going to make you some tea and something to eat and we're gonna figure this out. Okay?"

Maura did her best to smile up at Angela as the older woman set to work in her kitchen.

* * *

Maura sat wide-awake in her bed; she hadn't slept for two days. She had tried everything, scented candles, soothing tea, relaxing music, yoga, all without success. Her mind was in overdrive and nothing she did seemed to quiet her thoughts enough to find the rest that evaded her.

Maura's confession to Jane kept running on a loop in her mind. Was there something she could have said differently? Something that would have made Jane stay? Something that would have made Jane feel what she felt?

The tears had finally stopped, but she was sure it was merely because there were no more to cry. She never did convey to Angela what her breakdown two nights ago was really about; she had simply pulled herself together enough to appease the older woman by drinking tea and nibbling on the food put in front of her.

However, Angela definitely knew something was still bothering Maura and was extra attentive to the Doctor. While Maura wasn't used to having anyone other than Jane take care of her, she appreciated the older woman's kindness and tried to be a gracious recipient.

Not speaking with Jane for the past two days had been difficult and it was undoubtedly the longest amount of time they'd gone without speaking since they became friends. Even after Jane shot Paddy, and they had their horrible fight, they were at least speaking to one another (albeit angrily, but still). Maura found this new silence more difficult than she could have imagined. Neither of them was on call this weekend (Jane because Casey was in town, Maura merely because of the current rotation), and even though Maura was desperate to repair her relationship with Jane and end the silence, she was glad she didn't have to face the detective just yet. She had no idea how to move forward from here. I mean really, how do you go about repairing this? _So…I just confessed my unrequited love for you, want to split a muffin? _

This wasn't going to be a simple fix. Maura couldn't help but think that she'd somehow betrayed Jane. By confessing her true feelings hadn't she basically told Jane that their friendship was a lie? That she had always been attracted to Jane in more than a platonic way, isn't that sort of a lie? Since Maura couldn't lie she had become a master of deflection, she had to be when it came to her feelings for Jane, but she cringed when she thought of Jane's perception of that deflection. Jane would absolutely see it as a lie.

Maura felt like she knew Jane as well as she knew herself, they were such close friends, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what the Detective actually thought about all of this. Or if she was thinking about it at all. She hypothesized (since of course she didn't guess) that since she hadn't heard from Casey (other than a missed call right after Jane left) that Jane had at least spoken with him after she left the Doctor's house. And since an irate Casey hadn't shown up on her doorstep, she again hypothesized that Jane hadn't told Casey she was leaving him for the Doctor.

After everything that happened it was hard for Maura to theorize Jane's answer to Casey's proposal. Jane wouldn't really say "yes" to him, would she? After everything Casey put her through with his surgery, never mind the fact that he prioritizes the Army over her, no chance she'd say "yes", right?

"Ugh," Maura moaned as she finally made herself get out of bed; it was 5:00am and she resigned herself to the fact that sleep had eluded her for a second night. She decided instead to try some yoga in the hope that it would quiet her troubled mind.

Since it was Sunday Maura knew Angela would be up soon to make the two of them breakfast, the older woman did this every Sunday before the larger family came over for dinner.

_Oh no_, she thought.

Maura had completely forgotten about family dinner that evening. That meant Jane would be back in her house. No worse, that meant Jane and probably Casey would be in her house after a hot and heavy romantic weekend. Or even worse yet, they might announce to the family that they're engaged. Maura felt faint when she contemplated the last possibility. For the first time ever, Maura tried to think of some excuse she could give Angela (that wasn't a lie) to get out of family dinner.

She made her way to her yoga room and tried to concentrate on her stretches and positions. Tried to push Jane and escaping family dinner out her mind, but she soon gave up and headed back to her room to shower and change.

Pots and pans clanging in the kitchen could be heard all the way up in her bedroom, so once she had finished her morning routine and dressed in her always impeccable style, she made her way downstairs.

"Good morning, Angela"

"Oh, good morning Honey. I hope I didn't wake you. I'm making us omelets if that's okay with you?"

"That sounds wonderful."

Maura sat down on one of the barstools and sipped the tea Angela put in front of her. She knew Angela would rebuff any offers to help so she let the comfortable silence linger as the older woman bustled about her kitchen.

"So…how are you feeling today?" Angela did her best to ask the question casually, as if she hadn't seen Maura in the midst of crisis for the past two days, but her voice betrayed her and the worry was evident. Maura was sure Angela was questioning why Jane hadn't been around to take care of the Doctor. Why her best friend seemed to be MIA during such an emergency, but she kept her curiosity to herself.

"I'm doing a bit better." Maura hoped that would be enough for the older woman to drop the subject. However, on second thought, she decided to continue. "You know Angela, I truly appreciate everything you've done for me, especially these past couple of days, and I apologize if I've been a burden…"

Angela forcefully interrupted, "Maura, you could never be a burden! Never think that! I'm happy to help in anyway." Angela smiled sweetly at Maura and Maura returned the best smile she could muster, now feeling guilty about trying to get out of family dinner.

"Thank you, Angela. I do truly appreciate you and all you've done, but I hope you understand, and don't take it personally, when I tell you I'm not really feeling…up to family dinner tonight." When no hives appeared Maura knew she was telling the truth. She wasn't ready to see Jane and certainly wasn't ready to see Jane and Casey together.

"Are you and Jane in another fight? Is that what all of this is about?" Maura had to give it to Angela; she was more perceptive than she let on sometimes.

"Oh no, we're not fighting." Which was the truth. They hadn't fought. They just weren't currently speaking.

"Alright, well of course I understand not being in the mood for our loud family to invade your space when you're not feeling 100%. Should I move dinner somewhere else?" Angela asked uncomfortably.

"Oh Angela, don't be ridiculous! This is your home too; of course you should have dinner here. I'm going to go the Precinct to get some work done. I'll probably be back around eight o'clock tonight." Maura finished as she stepped down from the barstool to start gathering her things.

"I'll save you some gnocchi, Sweetheart. And Maura?"

Maura turned around to a serious look on Angela's face, "Yes?"

"I don't think I say it enough, but _we're_ family. You're a Rizzoli now, whether you like it or not," the older woman said with a small chuckle. "And family is there for one another. I can tell you're not ready to share right now, but just know that I'll be here, ready to listen and take your side, when you are." Angela finished and made her way over to the Doctor; she pulled Maura into a tight hug and whispered, "You're _my_ daughter and I'll be here when you're ready."

Maura was wrong, there were still tears left. She nodded against the older woman, not trusting her voice, and pulled away quickly, wiping her eyes, hoping Angela wouldn't see the fresh tears.

* * *

There is always work to be done in the morgue and Maura found it a welcomed distraction from everything that was going on personally. From time to time her thoughts drifted back to Jane and the dinner she was missing, but Maura successfully distracted herself with paperwork for most of the afternoon and into the evening.

She arrived home at eight o'clock, just like she said she would, and found a grumpy Angela cleaning the kitchen.

"Hi Angela, how was dinner?" Maura asked as she placed her purse on one of the barstools.

"It would have been nice if my children treated me with enough respect to at least tell me they weren't coming." Angela said in a huff.

Maura felt herself start to panic. "What do you mean? No one showed up?" Had Jane told her brothers about her Maura's confession? Had the Rizzoli siblings collectively decided not to attend family dinner in some sort of protest?"

"Well, I mean, Frankie, Tommy and TJ were here, along with Lydia and Sean."

So really only Jane hadn't shown up.

"Oh, I'm sorry Angela."

"Also there's a buzzing noise coming from your entryway. It just keeps buzzing and I can't figure out what it is." The older woman said in an even more exasperated tone.

"Alright, I'll try to find the source." Maura backed out of the kitchen slowly, hoping to avoid any further inquiry from the older woman as to why Jane hadn't shown up to dinner.

As Maura made her way into the hall she indeed heard a buzzing coming from the drawer she reserved for Jane's firearm. Maura opened it and sure enough there was Jane's kit belt with her phone in the holster buzzing away.

_Jane left her phone and gun here for three days and hasn't come to retrieve them? This is serious_, the Doctor thought.

"Angela, the buzzing is from Jane's phone. She must have left it here on Friday."

"Friday! No wonder I haven't been able to get ahold of that child! I thought she was just too busy making eyes at Charles to bother picking up for her poor old mother. That's probably why she hasn't realized it's missing. Would you mind taking it over to her?"

Now Maura really was panicking. "Oh Angela, it's getting late, I can give it to her tomorrow morning…"

"Nonsense Maura, it's only eight o'clock. Someone is obviously trying to reach her, that thing hasn't stopped buzzing all day. You don't want her to get in trouble do you?"

"Well…"

"And if you're worried about interrupting her 'private time' (Angela made air quotes) with Charles, don't worry. He told me he had to be back on base by seven o'clock tonight to catch his plane back to Afghanistan."

Angela continued to huff around the kitchen mumbling things about her children being ungrateful and bemoaning the fact that she was currently losing the grandbaby race among her friends, but Maura wasn't listening.

Should she go to Jane's? She had a legitimate reason and knew for sure Casey wouldn't be there. But should she be the one to confront Jane? Or should Jane come to her? Maura momentarily let her mind wander to what the proper etiquette was for this sort of thing before chastising herself.

Deciding that now was as good a time as ever to start repairing her relationship with Jane, Maura grabbed her purse and Jane's kit belt, said goodbye to Angela and headed out the door.

Maura found herself outside of Jane's apartment building too soon for her liking and briefly contemplated driving around the block a few more times, but when she noticed the lights were off in Jane's apartment she thought she might get lucky and be able to just leave the kit belt with a note.

The elevator dinged to signal that it had arrived on the third floor and Maura took a deep, cleansing breath as the doors opened onto Jane's floor. She made her way to Jane's door, smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her skirt and knocked confidently.

When no response came after a few more attempts Maura decided to let herself in with her spare key. She wasn't sure she still had the right to use the key, but she couldn't very well leave a gun in the hallway and that's exactly what she was planning on telling Jane in her note.

Maura held her breath as she turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open. Even in the dark the apartment felt different, like maybe somehow it could sense that she shouldn't be there. Maura turned to flip on the lights and as she spun back around to the now illuminated apartment she let out a pained sob and fell to her knees.

Everything was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: ****Thank you to everyone who is reading this story! It's my first attempt at a fanfic so I appreciate the constructive feedback.**

* * *

Jane took a deep breath as she finished packing the last box she planned to take with her; everything else would go to storage for her to deal with at a later date. She looked back over her shoulder at her now empty apartment. The couch and some of the larger furniture pieces were still present, but all of the personal items, all of the memories, had been packed away. The apartment seemed hollow and echoed without her belongings; she lost count of how many times that day she wondered if she was making the right decision.

Jane was surprised how easily Casey agreed to her own ultimatum:

_I'll marry you, but only on one condition._

_Name it._

_We leave Boston and never look back._

He'd tried to ask questions, tried to understand her urgency, but after being rejected in an increasingly vehement manner he stopped questioning and helped her pack. Jane supposed he was just happy she agreed to marry him and didn't want his prying to accidently change her mind.

The ring Casey gave her was simple, nothing too flashy or big. It had a center diamond that sat flush in the band and nestled on either side were two smaller diamonds. He told her he picked this ring specifically so she could wear it to work and not have it snag on anything. He made clear that if she wanted something else he'd be happy to exchange it. Jane didn't really care about the ring itself, only what it symbolized: someone chose _her_. Someone wanted _her_ enough that they would marry her. That thought made her feel safe, and after everything she'd been through she happily welcomed the safety of Casey.

Since Jane had taken a few days off work to be with Casey she had the rest of the weekend before anyone would really come looking for her. Maura would have been the exception to this, but after Jane left the Doctor sobbing in her house she was almost positive Maura would keep her distance for at least a few days, if not forever.

Jane wanted to make a clean break and decided to wait until she was fully moved out of her apartment to call Cavanaugh and tell him she was leaving BPD. She knew it wasn't fair to leave so suddenly and without a replacement lined up, but in this moment she didn't care about that. All she cared about was getting out of Boston and starting her new life with Casey as soon as possible.

Korsak and Frost deserved an explanation as well, but they too would have to wait. She couldn't risk either of them trying to talk her out of her decision when she was already so unsure of herself.

Her family, well she didn't know what to do about them. They meant the world to her, and she truly couldn't imagine her future without them, which is why she had to make a clean break. One ounce of her mother's guilt could bring everything crashing down. She couldn't risk her family bringing her back to reality when everything she thought she wanted was so close. She held out hope that in the future she'd be able to see them on holidays and birthdays, like normal families, and she worked hard to convince herself those visits would be enough.

But right now she had to get away.

She tried to think of Maura as little as possible as she packed up her belongings. Maura was all over her apartment; practically every memento in some way reminded her of the Doctor, so she soon abandoned her efforts to carefully pack her belongings and instead just threw things into boxes. The less time she spent packing, the faster she could get out of the city and away from these memories.

"Hey babe, good news!" Casey called as he entered her almost empty apartment.

He walked over to where she was taping up a box and pulled her into an embrace.

"Casey, come on, I have to finish this," she said as she pulled away, irritation evident in her voice. "What's the news?"

"Well two things actually. First, I officially don't have to go to Afghanistan."

"Really?!" Jane asked, relieved that one more roadblock to her new life had been torn down.

"Really. I spoke with the director of the team I was scheduled to go with and explained our situation. Since I'm not currently enlisted there was little they could have done to make me go, but I felt it was common curtesy to let them make the decision. He said my experience would be missed, but that he understood my need to please such a beautiful girl." As Casey finished he pulled Jane in again and kissed her passionately.

"So what's the other news?" Jane asked, as she gently pushed him away and went back to packing.

"Oh right, I got a job offer."

"Really?!" This was even better news for Jane, because in her haste to leave she actually had no idea where they were going once the apartment was packed.

"Yes, really. What? Do I seem that unemployable?" Casey joked.

"Of course not. Where? Doing what?"

"Okay Detective, no need to interrogate me, I'll give it up willingly."

Jane winced at being called 'Detective'. For all she knew she'd never be a detective again. She did her best to shrug it off and focus on what Casey was saying.

"…as an advocate for injured soldiers returning from combat. I'll get to meet with Representatives on the Hill, tell them my story and try to persuade them to put more money into research, treatment and rehabilitation for our injured vets."

"The Hill, so we're moving to Washington, DC?" Jane asked.

"Yes Jane, are you even listening to me?" Casey feigned frustration, but the smirk on his face gave him away.

"Of course, I'm just relieved. DC is overrun with law enforcement jobs; I'll have a good chance of finding something quickly." Jane enthused.

"Oh."

"What?" Jane worried she had made Casey's news too much about her.

"Oh nothing. I mean…I just thought…you know since we're starting over and all…I thought maybe you'd want to get out of law enforcement."

Jane did her best to keep her cool; she knew Casey had been way too easygoing about everything. This was obviously going to the point of contention. She decided to fight that battle later. Once they were out of Boston she'd explain to Casey that she wasn't about to give up law enforcement for him, but she figured to keep the peace a little while longer she'd acquiesce for the moment.

"Well…yea…I mean I can look into other options too. DC's a big place; maybe I could become an advocate as well. Maybe for children who've experienced violate crime or something." She tried to make it sound genuine and it must have worked because Casey picked her up off the ground, sat her on the kitchen counter and started kissing up her neck.

"We're going to be so happy, Mrs. Jones."

Jane almost had a vasovagal episode as he called her that. "Rizzoli-Jones." she corrected, and then felt even queasier when she realized she now automatically thought of 'fainting' as a 'vasovagal episode'.

"We'll talk about it later." He chided.

Jane was about to protest when there was a knock on the door. She froze; praying to God it wasn't any of the people she was trying to avoid. Somewhere in the back of her mind she momentarily hoped it was someone coming to talk her out of all of this, but she chalked that thought up to nervousness and quickly brushed it aside.

Casey nonchalantly opened the door and to Jane's relief it was the movers who were taking her furniture to storage. Her heart rate went back down to normal as she instructed the movers which items to take.

Just after eight o'clock on Sunday night Jane walked out of her empty apartment for the last time. Out of respect for the relationships she was leaving behind, she wrote each of her family members plus Korsak and Frost a letter explaining, to the best of her ability, why she was making this decision and promised to get in touch once she was settled. She left all of the letters on her kitchen counter, knowing her apartment was the first place anyone would look for her.

Jane tried and failed many times to write something meaningful to explain herself to Maura, she knew the Doctor would blame herself for Jane's sudden departure, but everything she came up with felt insincere. She ultimately abandoned the task when she realized nothing she wrote would be enough. Instead of a letter she left the Doctor the photo album/scrapbook she had kept throughout their friendship. Jane couldn't bare to hold onto it, and hoped in time Maura would remember the good times they shared and not the heartbreak Jane was about to cause.

As she shut and locked her apartment door Jane knew she was closing a chapter of her life. She exhaled deeply, attempting to mentally leave all of her bad memories behind, and tried not to think of her family's reaction upon discovering her empty apartment. The reaction of a certain Doctor weighed heavily on her as well, but she forced that thought to the back of her mind as she headed towards the elevator.

Joe Friday in tow she made her way to Casey's waiting car, and as he pulled away from the curb in front of her building she allowed herself one look back at the life she was leaving and the only city she'd ever known.

She turned back around in her seat just as she saw headlights pulling in to claim the parking space their car just vacated.


	5. Chapter 5

She's gone. She's gone. She is _gone_.

Maura's heartbeat was deafening as she tried to make sense of the scene in front of her. The apartment, Jane's apartment, was empty. Maura picked herself up off the floor and ran to the bedroom, desperate to find anything to indicate that Jane planned to return. When she found the bedroom bare as well a new flood of violent tears overtook her.

How could this be happening? How could any of this be happening? Where did she go? Why did she do this?

Maura quickly concluded the answer to why and sobbed harder. She was to blame for this, if she had just kept her feelings to herself none of this would be happening.

It suddenly dawned on Maura that she might be overreacting and she tried to calm herself by making excuses for the abandoned apartment. But as Maura took in the scene she couldn't deny the evidence that screamed up at her from her clenched right hand. Jane's kit belt. Jane couldn't go three hours without her phone, let alone three days, and if she hadn't wanted to see Maura during that time she would've asked Angela to get it for her.

Jane was gone. Maura sank down against the bedroom wall and longed for this nightmare to end.

* * *

In the weeks that followed Jane's departure those who observed Maura Isles recognized there was something very wrong with the Doctor. She still did her job with the same meticulousness and care as always, but the spark the Doctor once had was all but gone. The 'Queen of the Dead' was back and left trembling lab techs and rookie homicide detectives in her wake.

Reactions to Jane's disappearance among her family members ranged from shattered to furious. Maura's guilt led her to believe it was her responsibility to console the suffering family, but through her efforts she ended up receiving the brunt of their aggravation. They didn't understand how Maura hadn't seen this coming, how she hadn't been able to stop the Detective, and Maura did little to defend herself against the onslaught of their accusation. She knew it was her fault, that she had pushed Jane into Casey's arms and out of the Boston with her confession, but she couldn't tell Jane's family the whole story without making everything worse.

Angela in particular took the news as terribly as you would expect and couldn't comprehend how Jane could simply abandon her family; and it was Angela who sensed Maura wasn't telling her everything she knew about the Detective's sudden disappearance. She badgered Maura day after day, wanting to know what happened the last time the pair saw each other. Why Jane had left in such a hurry from Maura's house that she'd forgot her phone and gun?

Maura held out as long as she could, deflected every question and explained away every allegation thrown at her, until one day she snapped. She had been so busy taking care of the Rizzolis, so concerned with their grief, that she never gave herself the chance to mourn her own loss. The loss of her best friend, the only true friend she had ever known. _Her reason_.

So on this day, when Angela started her daily inquiry, Maura was no longer able to control her raging emotions.

"I'm assuming you haven't heard from Jane today, not that you would tell me if you had." Angela accused passive aggressively as she made tea in Maura's kitchen.

Maura looked up from the medical journal she was reading at the kitchen table, "No Angela, I have not heard from Jane, and of course I would tell you if I was in touch with her. I'm just as worried and in the dark as everybody else." Maura tried to keep the bite out of her words.

Angela looked up from her tea and seethed at the Doctor, "You know something Maura, I know you do! You have to! Why were you the only one who didn't get a letter, huh? You know what happened, maybe even where she is, tell me."

Maura felt something inside of her crack, like a dam breaking after it had been subjected to too much pressure for far too long. All of the Doctor's pent up emotions came rushing out before they could be contained.

"I'm so tired of this, Angela. Tired of your accusations, tired of you blaming me for Jane's decisions; maybe you should take a look in the mirror.

I'm not the one who found a way to make her feel inadequate everyday. Who pressured her to be the 'perfect' daughter. I'm not the one who bullied Jane _hourly_ to settle down and start popping out grandbabies. And I sure as _hell_ am not the one who used Jane's inherent Catholic guilt to make her run into the arms of the first man who would have her.

Maybe you should take a look at the situation and think about whom Jane is actually running from." Deep down Maura didn't believe any of this, but after being everyone's punching bag for the past month it made it a lot easier to cope when she had someone other than herself to blame.

Angela looked stunned and wounded. Without another word she placed her mug in the sink and walked towards the backdoor.

The look on Angela's face stung worse than if the older woman had slapped her.

Maura of course apologized profusely to Angela for what she said, attributing the tirade to missing Jane and lacking answers as to Jane's disappearance herself, but the damage was done.

Angela moved out of the guesthouse the next day and her relationship with the rest of the Rizzolis soon fizzled out as well. Maura felt completely abandoned. Not only had she lost her best friend, but now she'd lost her segregate family as well.

Maura still had the friendship and support of Frost and Korsak, but she often found it too painful to be around them. Too many memories of all of them together with Jane. Maura soon drifted away from them more and more, attempting to distance herself from any and all things related to Jane. She did her best to go back to the person she was before she befriended Jane, to the unsociable being who lived for her work.

But after several months of crushing solitude, Maura sought comfort in a string of one-night stands. She couldn't let herself get attached to someone just to have him or her leave, but she craved the physical contact and the emotional release these encounters provided. While in the past she primarily dated men she used this time to experiment with women. She found comfort in the familiarity of a woman's body, and after a while if given the choice between a man and woman most nights she ended up taking the woman home.

The only downside to this was that Maura regularly brought home Jane lookalikes. It was never on purpose, but it often left her devastated to have a cheap imitation in her bed when she couldn't have the real thing.

Maura knew she was spiraling downward and considered taking a leave of absence from BPD to get her life back together. But then she'd be running from her life just like Jane, was that really the solution to her problems?

Ultimately she decided against the leave of absence, and refocused all of her energy into writing and research in the forensics sciences. She used her role as the Chief Medical Examiner to reassign a large portion of her day-to-day work in order to travel more and present at conferences. She was enjoying immense professional success and had multiple job offers around the world, but something wouldn't let her leave Boston.

* * *

Maura sat at a hotel bar after one (or five) too many glasses of red wine. She was in New Orleans, or maybe Atlanta, she couldn't remember, it didn't really matter right now. The Doctor was at her fourth conference this month presenting her latest research on new methods to preserve DNA evidence.

She had scheduled this particular conference specifically so she wouldn't have to be in Boston to mark the one-year anniversary of Jane's disappearance. No matter how immersed Maura became in her work she could never fully rid her mind of the Detective. Thoughts and memories of the Jane always seemed to be lurking in unexpected places and the passing months did little to dull the pain when they presented themselves.

She hadn't told anyone but she'd looked for Jane about 5 months after her disappearance; used her resources at BPD to try and find the Detective. Maura thought if she just found her she could repair all of this, bring her back to Boston to fix all of the damage her absence caused. But 'Jane Rizzoli', 'Jane Jones' and 'Jane Rizzoli-Jones' yielded zero recent results and told Maura, if nothing else, that Jane no longer worked in law enforcement. Jane loved her job, was her job, and the thought that she'd given it up for Casey made Maura ill.

Maura took a sip of her wine as she once again wondered about the Detective. Was she happy with Casey? Was she still glad she made the decision to run? Did she even think about Maura anymore?

"Mind if I join you?" A voice interrupted her thoughts as a woman sidled up to the barstool next to Maura's.

Without looking towards the voice Maura nodded, "By all means."

She took another sip, steeling herself to be hit on, and turned to look to look at the woman. Maura worked hard to keep her breath from catching as she took in the beauty that sat down. The woman was tall and lanky with straight red hair that fell down to her mid-back and flashing green eyes. She wore designer jeans and a green sweater that showed off her toned frame. Maura recognized the woman as another presenter she'd seen from afar earlier in the week, but up close this woman was the definition of 'breathtaking'.

"Dr. Annabeth Thornton." The woman smiled as she stuck out her hand. "You're Dr. Isles, right?"

Maura gathered herself. "Please, call me Maura."

The women sat at the bar into the wee hours of the morning talking about everything. Annabeth was a biochemist, specializing in enzymology, and was also at the conference to present some of her recent work. She was originally from Texas and her southern accent became more pronounced with every drink. Annabeth was witty, incredibly bright and Maura was sure the woman's smile alone could charm even the most hardened soul.

As they spoke into the night they found they had a lot in common: similar upbringings, both renowned in their field, both yogis and both very attractive. They were interrupted multiple times by various men's attempts to start up a conversation or 'buy them a drink'. Maura politely, but firmly, declined each offer and Annabeth did the same.

Annabeth was stunning and tonight, even more than most nights, Maura craved a physical distraction from her thoughts of Jane. She took comfort in the fact that Annabeth was the exact opposite of the Detective in almost every possible way. The numerous glasses of wine made Maura bold, and when it was clear neither woman had eyes for anyone else that night Maura invited Annabeth up to her room.

Soon after the two women made their way out of the bar together.

* * *

**Author's Note: Writing this chapter was a challenge because I feel like I keep pummeling Maura, but I think it's important to the story to see how everyone is dealing with Jane leaving (good, bad, ugly). Things get better for Maura from here on out.**

**On another note, I have exams this week so this will be my last update for a few days. Sorry, hope to have another chapter done by Sunday.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**

**First, THANK YOU for reading and sticking with me! I truly appreciate that you're taking the time to read this story.**

**So, there were some pretty strong reactions to the last chapter (see reviews). I don't feel the need to defend myself, it's a story, and I'm sorry if you don't like it.**

**I will say that I took off "eventual Rizzles" from the story summary because I was accused (by MANY) of misleading people that Rizzles was already happening in the story. Rizzles will still be happening in upcoming chapters, but I was getting an onslaught of angry messages and felt it was the quickest fix.**

**I'm still learning, and don't know all the rules yet, so bear with me. :)**

**xo rdr**

* * *

It wasn't that Jane assumed everything would be wonderful when she made the decision to leave Boston, on the contrary, she knew it would be a substantial adjustment to move away from the only place she'd ever known. She hadn't made Casey a fantasy in her mind, she knew he wasn't her Prince Charming swooping in to save her and carry her off to happily ever after. She'd expected this new life to be a challenge, but believed she'd welcome it, embrace it, and that the passage of time would alleviate the doubt. That as life went on things would get just a little bit easier.

But in the 1 year, 2 months, 18 days, 15 hours and 48 minutes since she left she'd found this was not the case.

The realization of how much she relied on her family hit her hard in the months after her departure. Jane felt like a reasonably self-sufficient person, but in reality she depended on her family for everything, and the lack of a familiar shoulder to lean on in the face of all this change was startlingly sad for the Detective. Many times she tried to convince herself to call them, that they'd just be happy to hear that she was okay, but she was embarrassed by the way she'd left and didn't know how to go about repairing what she'd destroyed.

And Maura. Not a day passed where the Detective didn't feel the crippling ache of her absence. She surely took Maura for granted during their friendship and that truth was one of her hardest.

Jane was certain starting over in a new city would help rid her thoughts of the Doctor. She was sure enough distance between them and time was all she needed. But Maura was everywhere; in the grocery store, on her morning runs, in the dog park, and a night rarely went by without the Doctor haunting her dreams as well. There was no escape. It was painful and made it impossible to mentally distance herself from Boston.

Her unhappiness, among other things, put a strain on her relationship with Casey. Jane realized soon after they left Boston that she didn't really know Casey. They had spent little time together because of his deployment and subsequent injury, and chatting with each other via Skype a couple times a week doesn't exactly qualify you to write a person's biography. Before they moved to DC the two of them really hadn't spent more than a few days at a time together since high school, and Jane found it odd that she had to 'get to know' her fiancé.

Fiancé. Yes, he was still her fiancé. She hadn't married him, not yet.

Jane knew the bride was supposed to be the one excited about the wedding, supposed to be in a tizzy over lace and cake and center pieces. But every time she sat down to try and plan something she was gripped with the reality that no one would be there. No one she really cared about anyway.

Casey pestered her regularly about her apathy, tried to get her to commit to a date, or venue at least, but it usually ended in one of them storming out.

It wasn't that she'd changed her mind about marrying Casey. It wasn't that she didn't think she still loved him, it was just that all the reasons he'd seemed so perfect were now gone. His respect of her demanding job, her family, the way she chose to spend her time and live her life. All of those reasons stayed in Boston.

It wasn't that he wasn't good man. He'd done everything she'd asked, moved away from his home too, provided for them.

It wasn't that he didn't make her feel loved and safe, it wasn't.

_It's that he was no longer what she wanted._ Those rare moments when she was actually honest with herself she knew this to be the truth.

Maybe it was the romance of it all, a boyfriend in the Army, fighting for his country. Maybe it was a classic case of: 'distance makes the heart grow founder'. Or maybe, just maybe, it was getting everything you'd ever hoped for, everything you ever _thought_ you wanted, and realizing you ended up living someone else's life. A life that was never meant for you.

Of course anytime Jane let these thoughts enter her mind she'd promptly pushed them away. It's not as if she could leave, go back after everything she'd done, everyone she'd broken trying to get away.

It's not as if she could leave Casey after everything he'd done to make her happy, everything he'd sacrificed in the process.

So she forced these thoughts to be fleeting, and she tried to reconcile her loneliness and angst with the belief that if she just gave it a little more time, just tried a little bit harder, she'd be able to make this _her_ life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for your supportive messages! You guys rock!**

* * *

If nothing else Maura Isles was resilient.

Proof of this was easy enough to find when you looked at the last year or more of the Doctor's life. Her best friend, and longtime love interest, along with her pseudo-family abandoned her within a month of each other. She'd hit rock bottom, coped with this loss in unhealthy ways, and subsequently buried herself in her work.

It was actually unbelievable how many awful things happened in Maura's life in the past 14 months; incredible how much sorrow could befall one individual. No one would've blamed her for cracking under the weight of such tragedies, or running away from her misfortune, but Maura took the harder road. She stayed. She confronted her demons. Yes, she had her moments where she dealt with her grief in unsavory ways, but she dealt with it nonetheless.

Somehow she'd survived. Somehow she'd come out on the other side of all this suffering and finally began to heal; to mend the mess and heartbreak rather than spiral downward into the abyss of hopelessness and depression.

After waiting a full year Maura finally stopped holding onto the false hope that Jane would come back. Finally made herself let go of that magical thinking; refused to give into it any longer. She stopped allowing herself to make excuses or feel sorry for herself, and she finally began to rebuild her fragmented life. More than a year had gone by and it was obvious that no one was coming back to help her fix it; if her life was to be restored she'd have to do it on her own.

In rebuilding she found healing and in healing she finally found contentment. Maura didn't know exactly when it happened or exactly how she'd gotten here, but she felt better than she had in a long time. Better than she had since Jane left.

Work was better than ever. Her peers praised her current research on new methods for the preservation of DNA evidence, calling it 'innovative', 'groundbreaking' and even 'the dawning of a new age in crime solving'. BPD was given a substantial grant for her to continue her research and Maura was enjoying every bit of her quasi-celebrity status in the forensic research community.

Her life, her work, all of it was finally coming back together for the Doctor after a year of desolation. She was finally starting to feel good about herself again, and she had no doubt that this shift in attitude made inviting a new romantic interest into her life possible.

When Maura asked Annabeth back to her room that night in the hotel bar, she had expected the inevitable: a one-night stand that she'd later regret. But in the end she'd gotten something more.

They didn't sleep together that night. Well, they slept in the same bed, but refrained from intercourse. Once they were in Maura's hotel room the easy conversation continued, and there were some lingering touches and a few heated kisses, but ultimately they just slept.

Maura was surprised she could feel so comfortable with Annabeth, so secure with her, after meeting only a few hours before. She didn't realize it until after the fact, but Annabeth gave her exactly what she needed that night. When facing the reality that she'd gone a year without Jane and officially given up hope of the Detective's return, she didn't need yet another meaningless physical distraction from her grief. Instead, Maura needed someone to make her feel safe and important and wanted, and that's exactly what Annabeth did.

They lived in different cities, Maura in Boston, Annabeth in New York, but they kept in touch after the conference and decided to meet up soon after. The instant connection the two women shared was undeniable, and they started alternating visits between the two cities almost every weekend.

Annabeth was fun; quirky, but confident like Maura. She loved art and culture and wine. Taking in a symphony, opera or ballet was her idea of the perfect date night. But she also enjoyed a good baseball game and played rugby in an adult rec league. She could easily be described as a high society tomboy.

Annabeth eased Jane's absence with her infectious love of life. Maybe it was because Annabeth was completely detached from Jane; completely separate from that place where pain had been Maura's daily existence. But regardless of why, Maura felt herself heal a little bit more every time she was with Annabeth; it was hard not to become addicted to the way this woman made her feel.

The relationship was only a few months old, so Maura wasn't getting her hopes up for anything serious. Annabeth was exciting and new; there was no commitment, no strings. Neither of them were seeing other people, but they hadn't yet defined their relationship and both women were happy with their current arrangement.

It was Annabeth's turn to visit Boston for the weekend and Maura had planned a full agenda around her city, including a gallery opening she was sure the other woman would enjoy, but the two of them barely left Maura's bed that weekend. Unfortunately it wasn't for the sensual reasons they'd usually spend a day in bed.

Food poisoning was believed to be the culprit. They'd eaten at a small Thai restaurant on the way to Maura's house from picking Annabeth up at the train station, and it seems they'd made the wrong decision.

Maura worried their weekend would be a total loss, but instead it ended up being one of her favorite weekends they'd spent together.

They both felt awful for the majority of Friday night and Saturday morning, taking care of one another depending on who was worse off at the moment. Even after they'd started to feel better neither of them felt strong enough to leave the house and were content to cuddle in bed and occasionally move down to the living room to watch a movie or documentary.

Maura found these quiet times of Annabeth nursing her back to health, and vice versa, more intimate and meaningful than any physical expression of intimacy they'd shared. And even in their current condition, Maura knew the affection between them that weekend was more enjoyable than any activity she'd originally planned. It was the first time Maura thought she could actually fall in love with this stunning redhead.

Their visits were always far too short for either woman's liking and when it was time for Annabeth to leave on Sunday evening Maura almost asked her to stay, but stopped herself, thinking it was too much too soon.

"Are you sure I can't drive you to the train station?" Maura asked between kisses.

"I already called a cab and you're in a robe." Annabeth smirked. "Besides, you should rest up. No more Thai food for a while, deal?"

"Deal." Maura laughed against Annabeth's lips

A honk from outside interrupted their latest kiss.

"I guess I gotta go, but I'll be back." Annabeth smiled and kissed Maura again.

"Yea, yea, that's what they all say," Maura teased. "Call me when you get home?"

"It'll be late, I'll text you."

They kissed each other deeply one last time as Maura opened her front door.

"Have a safe trip back."

Maura felt a tinge of sadness as she watched Annabeth's cab pull away and then closed the door. She knew the relationship was new, but she was thinking about asking Annabeth to go away with her. They never had enough time together and maybe a couple weeks in a tropical destination would convince Maura she was ready to take the next step in their relationship.

Maura let out a sigh and pulled her silk robe tighter around her body. She decided a warm bath would put her in better spirits and began to climb the stairs towards her bathroom.

About halfway up the stairs Maura heard the doorbell ring. Thinking Annabeth must have forgotten something she quickly turned and headed back to the door, opening it without looking through her front window.

"You said you'd be back, but this has to be some sort of recor…"

Maura stopped dead; sure an overactive imagination conjured the image that appeared on her doorstep.

"Jane?"


	8. Chapter 8

It came out of Jane's mouth before she could stop herself, "I'm unhappy."

Casey looked up from the Washington Post, concern and confusion displayed on his features. "You're unhappy?"

"Yes." Jane all but whispered, cursing herself for how weak and vulnerable she sounded. She took a deep breath, "I've tried to make a new life here, find a new normal, but it feels wrong. It _all_ feels wrong."

Casey closed the paper and set it down next to him on the couch. "I don't think I'm following."

"I guess I feel like we might have made a mistake." It was the first time she'd said it out loud. It felt like a breath she'd been holding in for almost 15 months was finally released. She didn't elaborate, just stood in the doorway of the kitchen looking in Casey's direction, but not meeting his eyes.

"A mistake? How so?"

So he wasn't going to make this easy. Jane supposed she deserved that. "I...I mean…I think we shouldn't have left the way we did. Disappeared from Boston without telling anyone and not contacting anyone since." There was so much more than that she felt mistaken about, but this was a decent place to start.

Casey looked stern, ready for a fight. "As I recall _you're_ the one who wanted to leave. I believe your exact words were, 'We leave Boston and never look back'," his words were harsh and deliberate in their attempt to hurt Jane.

"I know. I know it was my idea and I know you've made a lot of sacrifices too, but…"

"Damn right I've made a lot of sacrifices," Casey interrupted. "I gave up being a General for you. I gave up my life for you and now you have the nerve to stand there and tell me you think it was all a mistake?" He huffed as he stood and started pacing the apartment.

Jane just stared at him. Her civility melted away at his tone. "I'm not in love with you."

That made him stop pacing. "Excuse me?"

"I don't love you, not the way I'm supposed to. It would be a lie to marry you."

They both stood and stared at each other, each afraid to move. Each afraid of what the next disruption of the stillness would bring.

Casey was the one to break the stalemate, "You're just saying this to hurt me, to get a reaction out of me. Misery loves company and I'm not going to be your target, Jane." He sat back down, picked up his paper and continued to read.

Jane was furious that Casey saw this as some game. Some way Jane could assert her dominance. "No Casey, I'm not being petty, I'm not trying to bait you, I'm trying to tell you that I've tried to make this work. Tried desperately to make this life the one I want and it's not working. It won't work, it's not going to happen. You are everything I thought I wanted and I want to love you, but I don't. I love someone else." The last sentence wasn't supposed to come out. Jane grimaced the moment it left her lips and steeled herself for Casey's response.

"There's someone else?" His voice was small and defeated, with no trace of the anger that had boiled moments prior.

"Yes." Jane responded. "There's _always_ been someone else, and the problem is there always will be someone else." Jane finished and finally made eye contact with him.

"It's Maura isn't it." He replied calmly; it wasn't a question.

"Yes."

That was all the response he needed. Casey stood up and made his way out the front door.

Jane leaned against the kitchen counter long after he left. She hadn't planned the conversation, it just happened; like her mind finally had enough of the ever present guilt and uncertainty and told her body it was time to act. Do or die. Now or never. The whole thing felt like an out of body experience, like she'd been stabbed with a needle full of adrenaline and forced into action.

She wanted to be devastated that her engagement was over, that she'd hurt a good man, but all she could muster was relief. She felt liberated, in awe of the fact that she once again had control of her life. That she hadn't let her fear of loneliness or her pride stop her from doing what needed to be done, what she waited far too long to do in the first place. She'd wounded so many people because of her fear, and while yes Casey was her latest casualty she knew stringing him along any longer would've made it even worse. Would've eventually caused more pain.

The Detective's thoughts drifted back to Maura. It was Maura. It had always been Maura, but saying it out loud for the first time was a revelation in and of itself. Maura was the barrier to her happiness with Casey and somehow he had realized it before Jane. She wondered how long Casey had known, how long he would have let it go on.

_I love Maura. I'm in love with Maura. _Her brain chanted it. Over and over, telling her how stupid she'd been not to see what was in front of her face for so many years. How inexcusable it was that she'd hurt Maura the way she had; that she'd run when Maura let her true feelings be known. How ignorant she felt for taking almost a year and a half to finally realize what a mistake she'd made. And finally, that she wouldn't be able to live with herself until she tried to make it right.

Jane left that morning. She gathered the few belongings she cared about, and left a note and her engagement ring on the kitchen counter for Casey to find later. This time leaving didn't feel like running, didn't feel like it could be a mistake. This time leaving felt like hope and joy and revelation. This time leaving was the only option if she was ever going to be happy again.

* * *

Jane's first glimpse of Maura took her breathe away. The Doctor was in a short silk robe and slippers. She had little to no makeup on and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. She looked a bit pale and thinner than the Detective remembered, but Jane had never seen anything more wonderful in her entire life.

As Jane took in the beauty in front of her she studied Maura's reaction. The Doctor's features went from amused upon opening the door, obviously expecting someone else, to shock, to elation, to dejection and ultimately fury all in the span of five seconds. If Jane wasn't already anxious, watching the raw emotion that crossed Maura's face certainly did it.

For what felt like an eternity the two just stared at each other. Unbelieving.

"Whh…what are you doing here?" Maura finally stammered as she gathered herself and pulled her short robe tighter around her body. Before Jane could answer Maura continued bitterly, "If you're looking for your mother she doesn't live here anymore."

"Oh." Jane's voice sounded tiny and apologetic. "No, that's not why I'm here."

"So you just decided to drop by to say hi after vanishing for a year and a half? Well, hi." Maura moved to shut the door in Jane's face, but Jane stuck out her arm and stopped her.

Panic rose in Jane's voice as she barreled forward, "Look Maura, you have every right to slam this door in my face right now, hell, I would if I were you, but please give me five minutes." Jane looked into Maura's eyes and swore she saw fear, and that truly broke the Detective's heart. Jane took her hand off the door hoping to show Maura she wasn't a threat.

Maura paused for a moment but eventually gave a short nod to signal that she'd give Jane her requested time. The Doctor made no movement to indicate that Jane should come inside so they remained in the doorway. Jane then saw Maura quickly glance down to her bare left hand. "I didn't marry him. I couldn't."

If Maura was surprised she didn't show it, she remained as stoic as ever as Jane continued on.

"I ran away from you. Things got hard, got scary, and I bailed. I'm not proud of it; in fact I'd say it's the biggest mistake of my life. I was so caught off guard the night you told me about your feelings, so overwhelmed; I thought running away would be the easy out. I was wrong, and there are no words to express how sorry I am that I left. I was awful to you and I'll never forgive myself for what I did.

It took me longer than you to figure it out, longer to sort out what my feelings really meant, but now I know and I need you to know too: I love you, Maura. I'm _in_ love with you.

I didn't realize at the time it was love, maybe even fought it, but now when I look back at all my memories with you, all the little things that meant so much, it's obvious. Those were the times I realized I was in love with you. Those were the times I knew.

I never stopped loving you. I can't stop loving you.

I don't necessarily expect you to forgive me for all the mistakes I've made, all the pain I've caused, but I had to come back. I had to come back because I had to tell you that you're my reason too.

I've hurt you. Destroyed the best relationship I've ever had out of fear and self-loathing. I'd do anything to take it back. Anything to go back to the night you told me you loved me so I can change everything. Tell you what I know now to be true.

You make my life worth living and now that I've lived without you I never want to do it again. I'm so sorry Maura, more than you'll ever know, and I'll keep saying I'm sorry for the rest of our lives if you'll please just give me another chance."

Maura looked upset and angry as Jane finished.

"So, what, you think you can sweet talk your way back into my life? Use my own words against me?

You just don't get it do you? You've changed me. I'm forever altered because of you, and I hate you for it.

I didn't need anyone before I met you. I was content in my ignorance of the value of relationships, family and friendship. True friendship. But then you came into my life and now I'll never be the same. You introduced me to this beautiful way to exist in the world that I believed for so long that I didn't need or even want. You made me realize true happiness, true worth, true stability. You gave me a new family, a new outlook and a new way to love and be loved.

And then, then you just ripped it all away without a second thought. Just left without ever worrying about whom and what you left behind. How your absence would affect those of us who loved you."

Jane did not miss that Maura used the past tense of that emotionally charged word. _Loved_. Meaning the love is in the past, the love is no longer. She braced herself for the rest of Maura's speech, she knew whatever was left to be said would surely be her undoing.

Maura continued after a deep breath, "You were the glue that held us together. Without you we crumbled, we couldn't bear the weight of you absence. Without the gravitational pull that is your presence I was left to float out into nothingness. But you didn't care. You left to start a new life, a clean slate, without all the baggage of the relationships you abandoned.

When you disappeared I didn't just lose my best friend. I lost my family and more than that I lost a part of me. You took a piece of me with you and left a hole I know can never be filled.

I'm finally getting my life back, finally picking up the pieces you left in your wake. I'm finally finding a way to get back to the person I used to be and I need you to let me be. I need you to leave. I need you to not hurt me anymore than I've already been hurt. To not take anymore of me than you've already taken.

You were everything to me, and I can't go through it again. I can't love you anymore; I won't survive another loss. So please Jane, spare me." Maura finished with angry tears in her eyes.

Before Jane could resolve her shock enough to say anything, Maura stepped back inside and quietly shut the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Maura stood motionless in her entryway, gaping at her closed front door.

_Jane. That was Jane. Jane is in Boston. Jane was outside my house._

Maura finally summoned the strength to move from her entryway to the living room. She felt lightheaded as she ungracefully dropped down onto the couch, unable to believe the reality of what just transpired.

Her mind played Jane's speech over and over.

Jane. Jane here. Jane saying wonderful things. Saying everything Maura ever wanted to hear from the Detective: that she hadn't married Casey, that she regretted her decision to run, that she was sorry for what she'd done and wanted a second chance to make it right. That she loved Maura. No, that she was _in_ love with Maura.

The Doctor slowly closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the couch, she was sure any moment she'd wake up in her bed to find this was just another eerily convincing dream. But as she slowly opened her eyes and found herself still seated in the same position on the couch she realized this was indeed reality.

The Jane at her door was real. The Jane she'd just left on her front porch, the Jane on which she'd just unleashed every raw emotion she'd held in for over a year, was undeniably authentic.

Maura was positive she was going into shock. Had she really sad all those things to Jane? Told the Detective to stay out of her life?

The next emotion Maura felt was pride. Proud of herself for resisting Jane's tempting presence, for defending herself and not giving in when she had the opportunity. It would've been so easy for Maura to fall into Jane's arms and weep for joy at her return. So easy to grab her and never let her go, and the Maura of even three months ago would have done just that if confronted with the same situation. Would have told Jane everything was forgiven if they could finally be together.

But no, not now.

This Maura wasn't a hopeless damaged mess anymore, wasn't meek and helpless. This Maura wasn't vulnerable, wasn't desperate enough to let Jane just walk back into her life like nothing had happened; like the last year had been some sort of casual aberration.

No. Just no.

This Maura was strong and resilient, brave enough to stand up for herself and defend her heart against further damage. And more than all of that, this Maura was angry. Filled with rage that Jane could just walk up to her door and act like it was the most natural thing in the world. That Jane had the choice to appear when it was most convenient for her when the she'd taken that choice away from everyone else. Finally, and especially, Maura was furious that the Detective chose to emerge just as she was moving on, just as she finally began to rid the daily thoughts of Jane from her mind.

So no. No. No. No.

Yes, Maura was angry, but the more she considered the situation she realized she was also scared. Worried that if given another opportunity she'd break and give Jane a second chance just to be burned again. Jane was untrustworthy; she'd proven that to be abundantly clear. So Maura had to find away to keep Jane out of her thoughts once more, to not let the beautiful words she'd spoken erase all the wreckage she'd caused.

Maura stood up from the couch and made her way to the stairs; that hot bath was unquestionably needed now.

Unfortunately the calm and soothing environment of her bath only amplified her thoughts of Jane, making the questions in brain more insistent, more forceful.

_Is she back for good? Will she try to get her job back at BPD? Will I have to work with her again? Why now? Why, when everything had finally started to come together? Why not six months ago, why did it take her so long?_

A new round of bitterness hit Maura at the realization that while yes, Jane had said everything she so desperately wanted to hear, it took her almost a year and a half, almost 15 months, to come to these conclusions. Maura wondered how long ago Jane and Casey broke off their engagement? If Jane had run from Casey the same way she'd run from Maura?

That led to Maura questioning if Jane came back simply because things hadn't worked out with Casey, maybe she was the backup plan, the second choice. At that thought she felt ire grow in her once more. Jane was a coward when it came to relationships. She couldn't handle confrontation, her reaction to Maura's confession and subsequent disappearance made that abundantly clear, and Jane running back to Maura when things became difficult with Casey was not an improbability in the Doctor's mind.

Maura was grateful it was a Sunday night, because at the very least there would be work to distract her bright and early in the morning. She gave up on her idea of a relaxing bath and finished getting ready for bed, hoping she'd be able to put her restless mind at ease for at least a few hours of sleep.

Of course sleep remained elusive. Waking dreams of Jane haunted the Doctor as she sat wide-eyed in her bed. When she heard her phone buzz just before midnight she couldn't imagine who would possibly text her at such an hour. The possibility that Jane was trying a new tactic crossed her mind as she reached to pick up her phone off the nightstand. She braced herself to see an unknown number, maybe a plea from Jane to give her another five minutes.

_Finally made it home. Hope this doesn't wake you. Sweet dreams pretty girl._

Annabeth. Maura cringed, she'd completely forgotten about her and felt terrible. She thought about sending a text back, but didn't want to keep Annabeth from the sleep she needed after their weekend of battling food poisoning, or worry her as to why the Doctor was still awake when she normally wouldn't be.

With a deep sigh Maura set the phone back on her nightstand, put her head down on the pillow and tried to meditate Jane out of her thoughts.

* * *

Unsurprisingly the meditation was futile. Another sleepless night because of Jane Rizzoli. Maura became even more indignant as she moved out of her bed to start her day. She ran through her morning routine at her usual pace, put on a new outfit and heels she'd wanted to wear for some time and made her way out the door. If she couldn't feel good she'd at least look good.

At exactly eight o'clock Maura made her way into the precinct; she noticed her colleagues letting their gazes linger on her a bit longer than they usually did as she crossed through the atrium of BPD. Of course Maura was used to people staring, but they rarely did it so brazenly. Rationalizing that her 'look good, feel good' ploy was working she read little into it as she made her way to the elevator bank and down to the morgue.

She'd been seated at her desk planning her day for all of five minutes when Barry Frost came barreling through her open office door. "Dr. Isles, oh good, you're here." He panted as he doubled over with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

"Detective Frost? Is everything okay?" Maura asked with a raised eyebrow as she moved to get up from her desk chair.

"Oh yea, everything's great." Frost said a little too enthusiastically and still slightly out of breath. "I just wanted to make sure you're down here…I…I…have something I want to ask you about a case."

Maura was perplexed, but decided to just go along with it as she slowly seated herself back in her chair. "Certainly. Which case? I'm sure you know I haven't been handling a lot of the routine autopsies lately, but I'm confident I can find the report you're looking for and give you my insight if you'd like?"

"Yes, yes, I'd love your insight." Frost replied, obviously distracted and failing to pay attention to all of the Doctor's words.

Maura was amused at this point and was enjoying Frost's company since she rarely saw him anymore. "Alright, I'm happy to help. Which case did you say it was?"

"Uh…I…um…it was the…Peterson case. Yes, of course, the Peterson case."

"Well, let me see, it looks like Mr. Derek Peterson has yet to be autopsied since he came in early this morning. Initial findings at the scene indicate a GSW to the head along with multiple superficial wounds and hematomas on the rest of his body. I'm not very busy this morning if you'd like me to do the autopsy rather than wait for one of the other MEs to come in?" Maura peered up at Frost, who was looking out the door instead of at her. "Frost, are you listening to me?" She was starting to get worried and a little annoyed.

"Huh, oh yea, would you mind doing the autopsy?" He flashed his toothy grin as he asked.

"Are you sure everything is alright, Barry?" It was obvious there was something he wasn't telling her.

"Of course, but listen, when you start the autopsy let me know and I'll come back down and you can show me your findings."

Now he was acting very strange. Frost would never voluntarily come down to watch a full autopsy. He could barely get through the far less gruesome onceover of the body without losing his lunch, let alone watch an autopsy from start to finish. "Are you sure? If it's straight forward I can just bring the report up to the…"

"NO!" He yelled. Maura jumped. Frost continued in a lighter tone. "Sorry. What I meant to say is no, please don't trouble yourself, you're doing me a favor so please call up to my desk, let me know when you have anything and I'll come back down. So you'll be here and I'll come back down. I'll be coming back down and you'll be staying here." He was gesticulating back and forth as he made sure Maura understood where she would be staying.

"Okay…" she hesitated. "I should have a report for you in a few hours." Her eyebrows had taken up permanent residence in her hairline with Frost's uncharacteristic behavior.

"That's great, just great! Thanks so much Dr. Isles. So I'll see you, down here, in a few hours, okay?" He looked seriously at the Doctor.

"Okay." She agreed, thinking this was certainly one of the strangest conversations she'd ever had with Frost.

Frost left after reminding her a few more times that he'd be coming down to the morgue, and that she should not leave or try to bring a report up to the bullpen.

Maura didn't think much of his strange behavior, she knew homicide was understaffed and working long hours lately. Their case closure rate had slipped in the past several months and they were under increasing pressure from the Governor to get their numbers back up. Maybe Frost just needed a few more hours of sleep.

She began Mr. Peterson's autopsy just before nine o'clock and as she was wrapping up around ten o'clock she saw Susie pass by the autopsy suite window for the twenty-fourth time since she'd done the Y incision. Even for Susie that was odd behavior. Before she could get to twenty-five Maura caught her attention and waved her into the suite.

"Senior Criminalist Chang, do you mind telling me why you've been pacing back and forth in the hallway for almost an hour?" Maura took off her gloves and put her hands on her hips as she looked pointedly at Susie, waiting for her reply.

"I…uh…I was just…uh" Susie stammered, unable to settle on a coherent answer.

"Honestly, what has gotten into everybody today? What am I missing?" The Doctor asked, unsure if her colleagues were playing some sort of practical joke on her.

Then realization hit her like a ton of bricks. "Susie, did Detective Frost ask you to make sure I stayed down in the morgue?"

Susie hesitated, but then nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you know why?"

Another nod.

"It's Jane, isn't it? She's up in the bullpen?"

And a final, slower nod.

"Thank you Susie, would you please call Detective Frost and tell him my report will be ready in approximately forty minutes?" Susie nervously scurried away to make her phone call as Maura exited the autopsy suite into her office. The cause of her coworkers' bizarre behavior was obvious now; Jane was in the building.

Maura shut her office door and closed her blinds, but it wasn't because she was going to breakdown. Jane's presence in BPD didn't come as a big surprise to her, she knew there was a decent probability that Jane would try to get her job back if she planned to stay in Boston, but Maura didn't feel the need to be on display for her coworkers to gawk at as they walked by.

The Doctor turned on some classical music as she set to work on Mr. Peterson's autopsy report, hoping to drown out her incessant thoughts of Jane.

* * *

Exactly forty minutes and forty-five seconds later she heard a knock on her door.

"Come in." She said as she reached over to her stereo and turned off her insufficient distraction.

"Hi Dr. Isles, I'm just here for that report."

"I know she's here." Maura's voice sounded defeated.

"Who?" Frost unconvincingly tried to play dumb.

"Barry, I know Jane is in the bullpen right now. I'm guessing she's in Cavanaugh's office begging for her job back?"

Frost's shoulders slumped as he made his way to her couch and plopped down. "Who told you? I knew I shouldn't have said anything to Susie."

"Susie didn't say anything, though she was quite conspicuous in her efforts to keep an eye on me." Maura mused. "I knew Jane was back in town, she came to my house last night; deducing that she was here wasn't too far of a stretch."

"She did?" Frost was surprised. "Are you okay?"

"No." Maura replied honestly. "But, I will be." She was genuinely touched by Frost's efforts to prevent her from accidentally running into Jane.

Frost nodded in understanding and they sat in silence for a long minute.

"Barry, do you want Jane back? I mean, would you and Korsak want her as your partner again after everything that happened? Can you find a way to trust her again?"

Maura was really asking, _can I ever find a way to trust her again_; _should I try to find a way to trust her again?_

Frost looked contemplative for a moment then answered, "You know, when she left I was so angry. I couldn't believe the Jane I knew would do something so reckless. Leave her job, her friends and her family to run off to God knows where, never to be heard from again, and all for some guy?! I was pissed...sorry Doc...I mean outraged; insulted that she didn't care about how her actions affected everyone she left behind." He stopped and a big smile appeared on his face, "But a few hours ago when I saw her walk into the bullpen I was just so happy she was there and okay. Sure I still feel some resentment, and I still think what she did is inexcusable, but think of what it took for her to come back. That badass Detective Jane Rizzoli swallowed her pride enough to come back with her tail between her legs and say she was wrong and that she'd made a mistake. You and I both know how hard that must have been for her." He finished with a smirk and a wink in the Doctor's direction.

Maura chuckled. "Very true." Then her face was serious again as she looked at Frost. "You didn't answer my question."

"I know." Frost replied as he stood from the couch and walked over to the front of Maura's desk. "But I can't tell you if you should trust her again, you're gonna have to figure that out on your own. She hurt you badly, much more than she hurt the rest of us. Only you can decide whether or not you can forgive her, but I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I know we've been distant since Jane left but I'm always here for you, Maura."

Maura thanked Frost and gave him his report as she quickly shooed him out of her office, she didn't want him to see the grateful tears that made an appearance as soon as the door shut behind him.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**A little levity in the form of Frost and Susie in the midst of this emotional journey. It hurt to write Frost into this chapter, but no one else could have pulled off the humor and the emotions at the end. R.I.P.****  
**

**xo rdr**


	10. Chapter 10

**Apologies for the slow update. Not sure why, but I had some major writer's block with this chapter.**

* * *

Jane remained outside Maura's front door considering her next move. Should she try again? Refuse to take no as an answer from the Doctor? Would that just make things worse?

Of course she'd expected Maura to be shocked to see her, upset as well, but she hadn't considered what she'd do if Maura rejected her. Didn't want her anymore. She hadn't let it cross her mind that Maura might want her to remain gone.

Jane had a feeling barging in on the Doctor or demanding they talk tonight was the wrong move if she ever wanted to repair their relationship, plus some of what Maura said left her confused. Like, what did she mean by she 'lost her family'? Jane's mother obviously moved out, and the hostility in Maura's voice indicated that it might have been an acrimonious parting.

Maybe if Jane could gather what occurred in her absence from someone else she'd begin to figure out how to fix things with Maura. But whom could Jane ask? She wasn't ready to face the wrath of Angela, and she doubted Frost or Korsak ever wanted to speak to her again. Frankie? Maybe. Her little brother always looked up to her, and while Jane was sure he was furious, she believed he'd be the most willing to help her.

Jane looked up at Maura's house one more time; she had to find a way to prove to the Doctor that she was back for good. That her confession wasn't impulsive, that she loved Maura and truly couldn't live without her.

With a deep sigh she turned and started the walk back to her car, pulling out her cell phone and dialing the familiar number that she hadn't let herself forget. It rang twice before she heard her brother's recognizable baritone.

"Rizzoli."

She was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion; she hadn't expected her brother's voice to provoke such a reaction. Jane paused, now unsure of what to say.

"Hello?"

She gathered herself. "Frankie?"

"Jane!?"

Tears filled her eyes and the words caught in her throat. "Yea," was all she managed, emotion obvious in her voice.

"Oh my God. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you?!" The anxiety and concern in his voice grew with every sentence.

Jane's growing sobs did little to ease his alarm.

"Janie, just talk to me. Tell me where I can find you, I'm coming to get you right now." She heard rustling and the jangle of keys on the other end of the line. "Just tell me, I don't care if I have to drive to Wyoming."

"Maura's house." She finally rasped between sobs.

"Be there in 10. Don't leave."

"Okay." Jane heard her brother hang up and she sat down on the curb with her head in her hands.

* * *

It was a poignant reunion for the siblings. Jane could tell Frankie was angry, seething just below the surface, but when confronted with the fragile state of the woman in front of him he'd taken pity on her.

After a long, bone-crushing hug, Frankie ushered her into the passenger seat of his cruiser, then grabbed Jo Friday out of her car and placed her in the backseat. Other than Jane's gradually quieting sobs the car ride to Frankie's apartment was silent. The air between them was thick with things left unsaid, sentiments and feelings that needed to be set free after being held in for far too long, but both siblings were unsure of where to start and found silence more comforting for the moment.

They arrived at Frankie's building and made their way up to his apartment without a word. Jane heard shuffling inside the apartment as he unlocked the door, and as the door opened fully Jane came face to face with her mother. The older woman looked like she was seeing a ghost as she took in her estranged daughter.

It had only been a year and a half, but Angela looked older; more worn by the trials of life, more beaten up by the cruelties this world could provide.

Without a word Angela quickly crossed the room and embraced Jane. The older woman's body was rigid against hers, the tension obvious, the emotions raw. Jane felt her mother was hugging her out of some sort of motherly obligation and not because Angela actually felt affection towards her oldest child in that moment.

After a long minute her mother pulled away, holding Jane by the shoulders as she took her in. Jane finally forced herself to make eye contact with the older woman. The sadness and indignation that stared back at her was scathing and the Detective quickly had to look away to prevent her second breakdown of the night.

As Jane looked away she did not have a chance to prepare herself as her mother's hand came down hard across her cheek. She instinctively brought her own hand up to cover the now tingling, hand-shaped mark left by the older woman. Her mother had slapped her.

"Ma," Frankie warned.

Tears streamed down Angela's face as she moved away from her stunned daughter.

"How could you? How could you?" Angela spat over and over again as she remained standing a few feet away from the Detective.

Jane stood shell-shocked across from her mother. She didn't know what to say, looking back now she didn't know how she'd left. It all just seemed so out of her control, like someone else made that decision all those months ago. Like she watched it happen from afar and only now could she choose to intervene.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, her voice breaking.

"Ma, why don't you head home. Come back tomorrow once you've both had some time to collect yourselves." Frankie said as he opened the door and attempted to escort their mother out. Angela was reluctant to leave, obviously afraid Jane would run again, but after a few muffled words from Frankie she was gone.

Other than the Detective's allaying cries echoing between them, Jane and Frankie stood in awkward silence once again.

"Sit down, let me get you some ice." He motioned for her to take a seat on his couch and moved into the kitchen as she sat down. "Sorry about Ma," Frankie said regretfully. "I promised her if I ever heard from you she'd be the first to know."

Jane nodded her understanding as her brother placed an ice pack wrapped in a dishtowel in her hand. He sat down across from her and let the silence linger a minute more before it was apparent he could take it no longer.

"God Jane, what the hell? We've been worried sick. You just up and disappeared, left without so much as a forwarding address. What the hell were you thinking?"

Jane looked up at her younger brother, deciding that honesty was her only option. "I was afraid."

Frankie looked infuriated, "Of what? What was so scary that you bolted from your family, your life?"

Jane took in a shuttering breath. Honesty. It was all she had left. "Maura," she said as she met her brother's eyes for the first time that night. "I was afraid of Maura."

Finally saying out loud was like being set free.

She told Frankie everything: Casey's proposal, Maura's confession, her life in DC and finally her most recent revelation to and subsequent rejection by the Doctor.

Her brother was shocked to say the least, it was clear to Jane that her reasons for running were not what he expected. It also became clear in that moment that Maura hadn't shared what occurred between the two of them just before Jane's departure.

When Jane finished the siblings just looked at each other, uncertain of how to proceed.

"God." Frankie finally uttered, breaking the stillness and shaking his head. "It all makes so much sense now."

Jane wrinkled her forehead in confusion, "What does?"

"Look Jane, things got…ugly after you left," Frankie hesitated, obviously phrasing his next words carefully. "Ma didn't handle your leaving well. She was crushed and she lashed out, blamed people…including Maura…well mostly Maura, actually."

Jane's shoulder's slumped as Frankie continued.

"I mean, Maura never told us what happened between the two of you…and I guess Ma just figured Maura would know where you were…that you wouldn't leave without telling her. She's the only one you didn't leave a letter…so I thought, and Ma did too, that she knew where you were this whole time. Ma and Maura fought about it and…well…Ma moved out of the guesthouse…and none of us have really talked to Maura since. I swear Jane, we all thought she knew where you were and kept it from us." Frankie finished defensively.

"Jesus," Jane muttered under her breath, she ran the fingers of her free hand through her unruly hair as realization began to hit her. That's what Maura meant. Jane's family abandoned her just like the Detective. She felt a new wave of tears grip her, saddened even more that her actions left the Doctor with no lifeline. That she was undeniably the cause of all of Maura's pain. She now understood Maura's reaction to seeing her again, how could she expect the Doctor to forgive her after all of this?

The room quieted once more as silent tears slid down Jane's face.

After a long moment Frankie cleared his throat, "So what are you gonna to do?"

"What do you mean?" Jane responded with a puzzled expression, wiping at her eyes to prevent any further displays of her grief.

"How are you gonna to fix this? All of this? What's your next step?"

"I…I don't know." Jane let her hand that held the ice pack to her face fall into her lap, her voice filled with resignation as she stared down. She really couldn't think of anyway to undue everything she'd done, anyway to try and make things right with her family, with Maura.

Frankie let out an exasperated sigh, "What do you mean you don't know? How can you show up after a year and a half and _still_ not understand what needs to be done?"

Jane just gazed at her brother with a dumb look on her face.

When it was obvious that Jane wasn't catching on Frankie stood up and started pacing, "You know Janie for a decorated detective you can be really dense sometimes."

Jane tried to protest but Frankie held up his hand and she grew quiet again.

"You hurt us. Hurt all of us, and you're gonna keep hurting us if you don't get you head out of you ass and fix this. First thing tomorrow you're gonna march your ass down to BPD and beg on your hands and knees for your job back."

Jane sought to interrupt her brother again, "Now wait a min…"

"No," Frankie cut her off. "You've done a fine job messing things up already, now it's my turn to talk. I don't know if Cavanaugh will give you your job back, but you're gonna do your damndest to at least try and get it back. Then, regardless of what Cavanaugh says, you're gonna beg Frost and Korsak for forgiveness. Ma's a whole other story, but she's just gonna need some time."

Jane nodded as she continued to stare down at her hands. Frankie hadn't said anything about Maura; maybe he thought that situation was hopeless as well.

As if he could read her thoughts he finally stated, "You wanna make things right with Maura, then you've got to prove to her you're here to stay. She's not gonna give you the time of day until you show her you're willing to put aside your pride and ego and apologize to everyone for what you did. Until you make your best effort to fix all of this, say you were wrong. She needs to know that you're not gonna run away again at the first sign of struggle. That you're not gonna give up on her without a fight, that you're willing to do anything and everything to earn her forgiveness."

Frankie's words resonated with the Detective, but she still had doubts, "What if it doesn't work?"

Frankie shrugged his shoulders, "How will you know unless you try? And besides, what other options do you have?"

Jane couldn't argue, she knew her brother was right.

"Now get some sleep, you've got a lot of groveling to do in the morning," Frankie finished with a chuckle as he started walking towards his bedroom.

"Hey Frankie," Jane called after him. He turned around at his name, grinning at his older sister. "Thanks."

With a solemn expression Frankie looked meaningfully at the Detective. "No matter what I've always got your back, Janie. That's what family is all about," and with that he left the room and left the Detective to sort through her thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

Maura found the first couple of weeks after Jane's arrival disconcerting.

First and foremost Jane succeeded in smooth-talking her way back into BPD. Cavanaugh wasn't exactly in a position to refuse since Homicide's case closure rate noticeably slipped in her absence, but fortunately for Maura he didn't give in completely. He'd assigned Jane to limited desk duty and allowed her to only work cold cases. Cavanaugh needed the Detective to work her magic to hopefully close some of their backlogged cases, and she wouldn't be back to fulltime until she was recertified for field work in a few weeks.

Jane basically wasn't allowed to leave her desk for the next couple of weeks. Any leads she found she had to give to Korsak or Frost to track down, and she was effectively banned from the morgue. Maura was especially grateful for that. The Doctor was having a hard enough time getting used to the idea of Jane being in the same building again, let alone the idea that Jane could unexpectedly pop up in the morgue.

What bothered Maura more than anything else though was that it seemed everyone at BPD welcomed Jane back with open arms; she couldn't understand how they found it so easy to forgive her. Jane left them short-staffed without any kind of notice and didn't even give a satisfactory explanation for her departure. It was mystifying how Jane could charm her way back into the fold so quickly and Maura resented that the Detective essentially faced no repercussions for her reckless actions.

The other major development since Jane's return was everyone's sudden interest in the Doctor. Maura found it remarkable that she'd gone disregarded and ignored the entirety of the Detective's absence, but now that Jane was back everyone suddenly seemed to notice her again.

Detectives Frost and Korsak made their way down to the morgue at a much higher frequency than she'd grown used to in the past year. She knew originally she'd been the one to push them away, but found it irritating that they only seemed interested in her again because of Jane's reappearance. Why hadn't they initially fought harder to keep the Doctor's friendship? Hadn't they shared a close friendship separate from Jane?

Frost and Korsak weren't alone in their reignited interest in the Doctor. Susie informed Maura that Frankie attempted to speak with her several times since Jane's arrival, but each time Maura had been on a phone call or performing an autopsy and hadn't connected with him. Honestly she was thankful she hadn't, she didn't think she could hear what she was certain Frankie wanted to say. She didn't think she could bear Jane's brother telling her how sorry Jane is. Aside from that, she didn't feel the need to accommodate Frankie after the way he and the rest of the Rizzolis treated her.

Even Angela attempted to get back into the Doctor's good graces. Maura hadn't spoken to the older woman in at least a year; she became a pro at avoiding the Division One Café after her spat with Angela. But this past week Angela began sending the Doctor lunch and coffee and an assortment of baked goods. It seemed someone arrived with the older woman's offerings at least twice a day. Maura politely refused every time and hoped Angela would eventually take the hint.

It was baffling really that everyone's attitude towards Maura changed the minute Jane resurfaced, and the Doctor found it insulting that she was only important to the others when somehow linked to Jane.

Luckily for Maura it was Friday afternoon, which meant that all she had to do was get through a few more hours of work, a three hour train ride to New York City and she'd have an entire two days free of all things Jane. Due to conferences and conflicting work schedules, Maura hadn't seen Annabeth since the night Jane returned and was very much looking forward to a low-key weekend with her favorite redhead.

The Doctor remained absorbed in thought about her weekend plans and failed to hear approaching footsteps outside her office. A light rap on the doorframe shook her out of her musings and as she looked up her hazel eyes met the deep brown of Frankie Rizzoli. She wondered why she'd never noticed how similar Frankie's eyes were to Jane's. It was disconcerting; Maura quickly looked away.

"Dr. Isles, do you have a minute?" Frankie asked uncomfortably as he waited just outside of her door, uncertain of whether he should breach the threshold.

In truth the Doctor did have time to spare, she was completely caught up on her paper work and there were no bodies waiting to be autopsied. She curtly nodded her assent, and Frankie took that as his cue to fully enter the office. Maura shuffled papers around her desk in an attempt to keep her hands busy and avoid any further eye contact.

"Thanks," he replied. He awkwardly stood in the middle of the office since no seat was offered to him and inhaled deeply before continuing. "I…I don't really know where to start," Frankie admitted.

"How about why you're here," The Doctor deadpanned, making no effort to ease the nerves of the man in front of her.

"Right…" Frankie shifted his weight, looking increasingly uneasy. "Well, first of all, I'd like to apologize…for…for everything really. Things got out of control and you did nothing deserve the way we treated you, the way I treated you. I'm sorry."

Maura let her eyes drift up as he spoke, but gave away nothing in her body language to indicate her feelings.

Frankie hesitated, obviously hoping for some kind of response from the Doctor, but when he received none he continued on with downcast eyes. "You were nothing but kind and unbelievably generous to my family and I'm very embarrassed now about everything that happened. I hope in time you can find away to forgive us."

"Thank you for your apology, Frankie," Maura responded coolly, untrusting after the tumultuous events of the past year.

He straightened up, seemingly emboldened by the Doctor's reply. "You know, it's not just me that's sorry, everyone is, Ma, Tommy…Janie."

The mention of Jane caused Maura to noticeably shudder and she dropped her gaze to her desk once more.

"She left him for you. Casey I mean. She told me everything, why she ran, her time away..."

Maura's eyes widened at Frankie's words and the recognition that he knew her true feelings for the Detective. Her _past_ feelings, she corrected herself.

"She thought about you everyday. She was miserable every minute she was away from you."

"Stop. Frankie, please stop," the Doctor begged. She wasn't strong enough to keep her resolve when faced with the reality of his statements.

"I know she's done nothing to deserve your compassion, nothing that makes her worthy of forgiveness, but can't you at least try to give her a second chance? Can't you try to remember what the two of you used to have? She's devastated, she'll do anything to have you back in her life."

Rage boiled over within the Doctor as her gaze met Frankie's once more, "_She's_ devastated? _She's_ devastated? You expect me to sit here and feel sorry for her after _she's_ the one who left? The one who walked out on her life and seems to think there are no consequences for her behavior? And _she's_ the one who's devastated? I'm supposed to feel sorry for her?"

"Look Maura, you have every right to be…"

She cut him off, rising from her chair to make her point, "Don't tell me how to feel Frankie, and don't you dare imply that she's the one who suffered during all of this."

They stared at each other; Maura seething and Frankie momentarily stunned by the Doctor's outburst.

Maura collected herself and sat back down in her chair. "I sincerely appreciate your apology Frankie, but I'm afraid I can't do what you're asking me to do."

He nodded regretfully, "I understand." Frankie turned to make his way out of the office, but paused at the door and looked back at Maura, "What Jane did was terrible, but deep down I know you still love her. You wouldn't have such a strong reaction if you didn't. So I hope in time you'll find away to let her back into your life. For both your sakes."

Before Maura had a chance to reply Frankie swiftly exited her office.

* * *

Maura's weekend with Annabeth was supposed to be a welcomed distraction from her troubles back in Boston, supposed to be refreshingly Jane-free, but Frankie's words rang in her ears non-stop.

_She left him for you. Can't you give her a second chance? Deep down I know you still love her._

His words made it impossible for the Doctor to go about her weekend without feeling Jane's presence (or lack there of) everywhere.

Annabeth took Maura to a Yankee's game and the Doctor spent the entire game thinking about the look on Jane's face if she ever got a glimpse of Maura in the Yankee's cap she sported that afternoon. They went to a modern art gallery opening and she recalled the Detective scolding Constance at her own gallery opening for neglecting Maura. They ate pizza and the Doctor couldn't help but miss Jane's greasy, pepperoni half of the pie. They walked through a rough neighborhood and Maura craved the comfort and security that Jane's authority once brought her.

Maura felt pummeled by her memories. No matter what they did, where they went, she couldn't escape the haunting reminders of Jane. It was all Frankie's fault, why couldn't the Rizzolis just leave her alone? Leave her thoughts, leave her memories, leave her life.

On the cab ride home from Saturday night's gallery opening Maura was once again deep in thought about Jane. How did they get to this point? Why didn't the Detective reciprocate Maura's own feelings from the beginning? What held her back? Why did things have to get so contentious for Jane to figure everything out?

"Hey, what's going on in that big brain of yours?" Annabeth said affectionately, as she leaned in and pushed a stray strand of Maura's hair behind her ear. "You've been so quiet tonight."

"I'm sorry. The gallery opening was lovely, thank you for taking me." Maura deflected, absently twisting the ring on her finger.

Annabeth looked pointedly at Maura's fidgeting hands. "You know, some might say that's a sign of sexual frustration," she winked at the Doctor and tilted her head. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Maura chuckled and stilled her hands, "No, I'm happy to report that you are a very satisfying lover."

Annabeth exaggeratedly exhaled in relief, placing her hand on her heart, "Thank God,"

With a laugh Maura leaned in and met the other woman's lips halfway.

They parted as the cab came to a stop in front of Annabeth's building. They paid the driver and the pair made their way up to the impressive co-op.

"I'll never get sick of that view," Annabeth stated as she kicked off her heels in the front hall and stared across her living room through the floor-to-ceiling windows at the New York City skyline lit up against the black sky.

Maura hummed her agreement as she removed her heels as well.

"Wine? I believe I have one of your favorites." Annabeth stated as she sashayed into her kitchen.

"And which would that be?" Maura replied coyly.

"A Chateau de la Valence. I just picked it up yesterday."

The Doctor grinned; it really was one of her preferred wines. "How did you know that's one of my favorites?"

"Google is a powerful weapon my dear. It was in an interview you did a few years ago," Annabeth replied proudly.

A surge of realization and anxiety hit Maura when she recognized that the interview Annabeth read was most likely the same interview Brad Adams used to get close to her, drug her and use her to steal bones out of the morgue almost two years ago. The same interview that framed her for murder, the same wine. She'd been arrested, gone to jail because of this wine. Jane. Jane saved her. She chastised herself, why couldn't she keep Jane out of her head?

"Is that too stalker-ish?" Annabeth joked as she uncorked the wine, interrupting the Doctor's memories. When she again received no answer Annabeth gazed up from pouring a glass and was met with Maura's pale appearance staring blankly in her direction.

"Oh, Maura…I'm…I'm sorry, I didn't know it would upset you," she set the wine down and hurried over to the Doctor. "I just…I thought it would be a nice surprise," Annabeth clasped the Doctor's hands in her own.

Maura shook herself back into reality, "It's fine really, I'm fine. Just…bad memories, that's all. If you don't mind I'd like to sit down for a moment, I'm suddenly feeling a little unsteady."

Annabeth led Maura over to her couch and sat down with her, still grasping her hands. They both remained silent as Maura attempted to calm her heart rate.

"I really am sorry," Annabeth eventually whispered, her concerned green eyes trained on the Doctor.

Maura finally realized how absurd she must look, and that Annabeth must think she's certifiable for getting so upset over a Google search of her name. So Maura pushed through her uneasiness and explained the story to other woman. However, she left out Jane and the roll she'd played. She didn't want to have to explain Jane to Annabeth tonight, not when she was trying so desperately to rid her thoughts of the Detective.

"Oh my God," Annabeth uttered when Maura finished the story. "Why didn't that come up in my search? I certainly would expect Google to tell me I'm dating a suspected murderer," she teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Maybe you should have used Bing?" Maura replied without missing a beat.

Both women laughed heartily at the joke.

When they finally composed themselves, Annabeth looked earnestly at Maura, "But seriously, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'll go throw that wine away, I have others if you still want a glass?"

"Don't be ridiculous, that wine is exquisite, we're drinking it." Maura declared as she stood up from the couch and made her way into the kitchen. She finished pouring the glasses and brought them out to the living room.

Annabeth was still hesitant. "Are you sure?"

Maura smiled and handed the woman a wineglass. As she sat back down she held up her glass for a toast and cleared her throat, "To making new memories."

They clinked glasses and Annabeth beamed back at the Doctor as they each took a sip.

Without a word Annabeth reached for Maura's glass and set it on the coffee table. She gently pushed Maura back until she was lying flat on the couch and moved over her, placing a knee between the Doctor's thighs. Annabeth leaned down and kissed Maura's exposed collarbone, slowly making her way up the Doctor's neck and lightly nipping her earlobe.

Maura bit her lower lip to stifle a moan.

Annabeth lingered next to Maura's ear, her warm breath sending shivers through the Doctor.

"I think I'd like to start making some memories right now."


	12. Chapter 12

Late Friday evening Jane sat at her desk in a nearly empty bullpen. Eric Sheffield's cold case file stared up at her. Sheffield was a Boston Brahmin thirty-five year old husband and father of three who was stabbed repeatedly in the chest, arms and torso by a serrated blade before a final gash to the throat severed his carotid artery. He bled out soon after.

The wounds on his arms appeared to be defensive in nature and likely a result of Sheffield's attempt to fend off his attacker. The choice of weapon and sheer violence of the attack indicated it was most likely personal in nature; someone Sheffield knew murdered him.

Of course Sheffield's wife was their first suspect, but she had an airtight alibi visiting her parents out of state with the children at the time of the murder. The file noted that everyone the detectives spoke to considered Sheffield to be an upstanding citizen who had no known enemies, and the detectives failed to find evidence of an affair or other seedy activities by Sheffield or his wife.

"Ugh," Jane growled as she threw her head back and closed her eyes.

Frost looked up from his desk, "That the Sheffield case?"

"Yea," she replied exasperatedly, eyes still closed.

"Total mystery. And no leads on the forensic evidence left behind by the killer. I've still got my money on the wife or some mistress. But if he was having an affair he covered all his tracks."

Jane nodded, thinking, "Why the wife, what's her motive?"

Frost shrugged, "Just a hunch I guess, but she did seemed pretty torn up about everything. Still calls every once in awhile to get an update."

"The report indicates his wife is much smaller than him, do you really think he couldn't have stopped her?" Jane inquired, still leaning back in her chair.

"Rage is a powerful thing, but Dr. Isles said…" Frost trailed off, suddenly uneasy as Jane's shot up at the mention of Maura.

"What? What did Maura say?" Jane implored a little too eagerly.

"Easy, it's in the report. In her opinion the perpetrator was likely male. The location and depth of some of the stab wounds required a great deal of force and the angle at which they came from indicated a height taller than the average female, approximately 6'2."

"Oh," Jane sagged in her chair disappointedly.

"She icing you out?"

"No…well…yes…I guess. I'm giving her some space right now. So, yea, she's probably not speaking to me, but I haven't tried since our first meeting went _so_ well." Jane finished sarcastically.

Frankie entered the bullpen looking as exhausted as Jane felt.

"Robber." Frankie declared as he flopped down into the chair next to Jane's desk.

Jane hadn't visited her favorite hangout since she'd been back so she eagerly agreed as did Frost and Korsak.

They grabbed their usual booth. Jane offered to get the first round, she figured it was the least she could do after everything she'd put these guys through, and they settled into their usual Robber banter: current cases, ribbing on Korsak and his menagerie, Frost and Frankie's bromance.

Jane was lucky. The guys had welcomed her back with open arms, forgiven her almost instantaneously upon her return. They took her back without any reservations and Jane was so happy to be part of this team again. She couldn't understand now why she readily gave up something that was so important to her.

She briefly wondered why Maura couldn't forgive her like they had? But she knew the Doctor had every right to still be angry and bitter. Really she was fortunate Maura even gave her five minutes to make her case as she wasn't sure she would have done the same if the situation were reversed.

When the conversation lulled Korsak solemnly looked at Jane, "How have things been since you've been back?"

"Good. Really good. I'm so happy to be back doing what I love, even if I'm chained to a desk right now." Jane smiled, unconvincingly. Her features surely reflected her continued brooding about the Doctor.

"So…have you seen the Doc since you've been back?" Korsak asked tentatively, obviously bracing himself in case he hit a nerve.

"Once." Jane replied, not wanting to elaborate unless pressed further.

Korsak didn't get the hint. "And…"

Jane sighed, "I just…I don't know what to say to her."

"How about 'I'm sorry'?" Korsak smirked.

"I already said that." Jane bit back a little harsher than she intended.

"Then say it again, say it as many times as it takes, as many times as she needs to hear it. I've never known you to surrender without a fight, Janie." Korsak reached across the table and put his hand over Jane's in a fatherly gesture, knowing how important Maura once was to the Detective.

Jane shoulder slumped forward as she rested her elbows on the table; she pulled her hand away from Korsak's and ran both hands over her face in frustration. "I haven't _surrendered_, I just don't know what to do. How can I ever expect her to forgive me when I can't forgive myself?" she conceded with defeat in her voice.

"Do you still love her?" Korsak asked earnestly.

Jane swiftly turned to face Frankie, shooting him an accusing look.

Korsak chuckled, "Jane, Frankie didn't say anything. It's been obvious from the start. You and the Doc, you've got something special."

"Yea, remember, we're detectives Jane," Frost added with a laugh at Jane's bewildered look.

"So…so you all knew all along?" Jane asked desperately, looking around the table.

The guys all exchanged glances and nodded in agreement.

"What the hell? Why didn't anyone tell me?" Jane demanded, giving each man a stern look.

They all chuckled back at her flustered state.

"Janie, your feelings were so clear, so obvious, we thought you knew. That you were in on it and just in denial or something, didn't want to admit it." Frankie stated with a gentle smile.

Jane huffed her frustration and ran a finger through the condensation on her mug. Her face softened as she accepted the truth. "I guess when I look back that's true. On some level I knew how I felt about her. Knew it all meant more to me than just friendship. That the time we spent together was more important to me than any I ever spent with Casey."

"Okay, we're gettin' a little too sentimental here, I'm gonna need a few more of these if we're gonna have this conversation." Frost held up his mug and moved to exit the booth towards the bar.

Frankie went with him and left Jane and Korsak alone at the table.

They sat in silence for a moment, but eventually Jane sadly whispered, "Korsak, I…I just want her back. I want her in my life again and I've just fucked everything up."

"Yea," Korsak agreed.

Jane grumbled, "That's not helping."

"Well, you're right. You did a really spectacular job at messing up your life and the Doc's life too."

"Korsak." Jane whined, drawing out the syllables like a child in the midst of a tantrum.

Korsak's smirk disappeared, "Look Jane, everyone in her life abandoned her. Everyone she cared about left because of _you_. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or worse than you already do, but you need to understand where she's coming from. She doesn't trust you."

Jane fought back tears. Of course she already knew about what happened to Maura while she was away, but hearing it, visualizing the reality of Maura alone, was agonizing. A knife to the heart would hurt less.

"If you want her to trust you again then you're gonna have to work for it, remind her of why she did in the first place. Remind her of all the love and friendship you shared. Tell her why she's so important to you. Tell her why you love her." Korsak paused, considering his next sentence. "Tell her until she believes it, until there is no other possible answer in her mind. Tell her, Jane, because silence isn't gonna get you anywhere you wanna be."

She was crying now, big fat tears silently spilling down her cheeks. Korsak moved around the table and embraced her. She let her head fall onto his strong shoulder as she angrily swiped at her eyes.

"Maybe if you took your own advice you wouldn't be divorced. Three times." Jane teased through her tears, trying desperately to compose herself before the others rejoined them.

Korsak shrugged, "Unfortunately it took me three divorces to give such great advice."

They chuckled together as Frost and Frankie made their way back over.

* * *

Later that night (or more accurately early Saturday morning) Jane sat on the floor in her new apartment stroking Jo's fur, boxes full of her belongings all around them. She'd moved in almost two weeks ago, but her busy schedule at work hadn't left her the time or interest to begin unpacking.

The beer in her hand was warm, but she took a long swig of it anyway as she racked her brain, hearing Korsak's words, trying to put them into some sort of action. Anything she could do to convince Maura that she is worthy of her trust once again. That her mistakes were in the past, that she'd do anything for a second chance. Anything to earn the Doctor's forgiveness.

Resigned, Jane set her empty beer bottle aside and began emptying the box in front of her. She realized a little too late that she'd unintentionally started with a box of pictures and mementos she'd left in storage during her time away.

Her hand was clenched around a picture frame; Maura's radiant smile stared back at her. Jane was also in the picture beaming at whoever was holding the camera. They were in their softball uniforms and had their arms around each other.

Jane traced Maura's face with her finger, remembering that day, her laugh, her smile, that dimple. It felt like a punch to the gut.

Jane placed the picture on the floor next to her facedown; she couldn't bear to look at it again tonight.

Next was monogrammed stationary Maura once gave her for one occasion or another; she'd never opened the box it came in. Jane was pretty sure she remembered Maura saying something about writing more thank you notes and that a hand written message told people you cared and took time out of your life just for them.

A few more picture frames followed: Jane and the guys, her family. Another of the whole group a couple of Thanksgivings ago, her arm again slung around Maura shoulders.

Jane sighed, moving on, trying to get all things Maura unpacked in one go so she didn't have to revisit this box later.

The final item she pulled out was a small poetry book Maura gave her years ago. She'd never bothered to read it and hadn't even thought about it since she received it. Again she recalled Maura saying something about the beauty humans could create out of their own pain, or something more cerebral. Jane flipped open the cover and read Maura's note to her on the first page.

_"Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them." _

- _Dennis Gabor_

_Love,_

_Maura_

Love. That hurt.

Reconciled that she'd get little else done tonight, Jane opened the small book and began skimming poems.

She wasn't a connoisseur of poetry by any means, but Jane appreciated the art as she read works by Robert Frost and Walt Whitman, along with Billy Collins and Maya Angelou.

Jane was about to put the poems aside when she noticed a small cloth bookmark attached to the book. The bookmark was placed in between two particular pages, but the pages were towards the center of the book, so she couldn't be sure if the placement was intentional. She decided on a whim to read this last poem before calling it a night.

_Treat It With Care_

_By: D.T. Baxter_

_This morn I walk along the creek stirring up silt and sand;_

_The water at my feet murky and unclear where I stand._

_The early day is dreary not unlike my soul;_

_And the birds sing a woeful song for whom the bell doth toll._

_I've had you in my dreams again and the world must know it too,_

_But another night has passed in which I don't have you._

_I tucked my love for you away, and never let it show,_

_Buried it beneath the surface where I believed it couldn't grow._

_Now I'm sure my greatest sorrow is not telling you when I knew,_

_For it's so apparent now, plainly as the sky is blue._

_I knew it when I saw your eyes shining rich and true._

_I knew it when your perfect smile made me see anew._

_I knew it when your laugh became my favorite song._

_I knew it when my heartbeat quickened when you came along._

_I knew it when your simple touch sent a shock through me._

_I knew it when a life without you simply couldn't be._

_I knew it when that single tear slipped down your flawless cheek,_

_And when your pleas for me to stay made you seem so meek._

_I knew it when I walked out the door hopeless and forlorn;_

_I know it now as I think of you on this insufferable morn._

_Now the years have passed and they have been unkind to me;_

_But I trudge on faced with the fact that I betrayed my destiny._

_I ran away from you my love, in my fear I fled,_

_And now it seems I can't go back, I'm trapped within this dread._

_The water now around my feet is shining, clear as can be;_

_And I see the truth unbearably staring back at me._

_Oh how could I let you slip away when I knew it all along;_

_In my arms is where you should be, it's right where you belong._

_Treat it with care they say as hearts break so easily;_

_This I now hold forever as true for we shall never be._

Jane didn't realize she was crying until she saw the page dotted with her tears.

This poem said it all.

Everything that happened between she and Maura was written on these pages, everything she felt.

Could Maura possibly have marked this page years ago? Hinting at how she felt about Jane? Urging Jane to recognize her feeling as well so they didn't end like the author? Or was it all just a coincidence? Happenstance that the bookmark landed on the one poem Jane needed to read?

Worst of all, was this all avoidable? If she'd just read the poem when Maura gave her the book would she have realized her feeling then?

As she read it over again the end of the poem sent a prickly chill down her spine; she didn't want to go through her life like that. With this massive regret following her around like an angry storm cloud. Jane resolved that she didn't want to let her fear of continued rejection stop her from making every effort to get Maura back.

It hit her then what she wanted to do in her efforts to win back Maura's trust. Korsak was right, her silence hadn't done her any favors, it was time for action.

Jane quickly tore open the stationary she'd set aside and found a pen. As neatly as she could she copied the poem down, giving credit to the author, but at the bottom of the page she wrote in her scrawl:

_I knew it when you offered to buy a penniless prostitute a healthy meal. _

_Jane._

She desperately wanted to write _love_, but stopped herself, she knew it wouldn't be well received no matter how strongly she felt.

Jane was certain Maura would recognize the poem even if she hadn't intentionally mark it for the Detective to see. She hoped Maura would read it the same was she had: a reflection of their current relationship, an ending they could avoid if they tried hard enough.

Jane then spent the rest of the night feverishly writing down all of the times _she knew_. All the memories she shared with Maura that she now realized were the moments she fell in love with the Doctor. All the times she now wished she'd said something, anything to convey her feelings. The feelings she now recognized purely as love.

She planned to give each written memory, each moment, to Maura separately over the course of the next few weeks. Jane hoped that reminders of the their happier times together, times the Detective would now give anything to have back, might soften Maura enough for a conversation. Might break the Doctor's resolve enough for Jane to begin to work her way back in.

Jane hoped that by overwhelming the Doctor with these memories she couldn't be ignored. That Maura wouldn't be able to simply brush off her actions, that she'd at least be forced to recognize Jane's sincerity even if she still chose to remain distant.

And it was _her_ choice Jane acquiesced. She knew even her best effort might not be enough to win back Maura after everything she'd done, but she was determined to try like hell while she still had the chance.


	13. Chapter 13

Maura made her way into the precinct at precisely eight o'clock on Friday morning, just like she did every other weekday unless a call brought her in earlier or her presence was required at a crime scene.

Yet Maura knew today would be unique in its struggle. Yes, that today would truly be a new exercise of her strength all together. Today was the first day Jane was back to fulltime, the first day Maura would have to work directly with the Detective again.

Of course they'd crossed paths at the precinct a few times in the five weeks since Jane's return; a brief brush in the hallway or a stop in the bullpen to drop off a report. But never a conversation, really never even so much as eye contact was exchanged between the two of them. Any talk was all business, or more often than not nothing at all since they weren't exactly working together.

Resolute in her ability to remain professional in the midst of her inner turmoil she straightened her posture as she crossed the threshold into BPD and made her way down to her office.

The Doctor rounded the corner to unlock her door, but stopped her movements when a bright object caught her attention. A small gift bag hung on her door handle and through the tissue paper Maura saw that the bag contained fudge clusters and a small, folded note. She forgot her initial intent to enter her office as she opened Jane's latest message, written in the Detective's messy handwriting:

_I knew it when you sent me to racing school for my birthday._

_Jane._

Maura sighed. She hated to admit it, but the Detective's latest strategy was indeed an effective one.

Receiving Jane's first letter had been unexpected since the two of them had been keeping their distance. Maura believed she'd gotten her point across quite clearly in their first encounter and expected the Detective to give up on her endeavor to restore their relationship. Or her attempt to create a new kind of relationship all together.

The poem Jane included in the message brought tears to Maura's eyes. The words were very close to her heart, and though Maura didn't guess she was almost certain Jane discovered the poem in a poetry book she gave the Detective one Christmas as a stocking stuffer. That Christmas was the first she spent as part of the Rizzoli family; the first time she truly felt embraced by the entire clan.

Maura gifted the book to Jane with the bookmark left on this particular poem with the hope that Jane would read it. She'd had strong feelings for the Detective for quite a while and had been exceedingly confused by these desires, unsure of their meaning since she'd never truly had a best friend before Jane.

Upon reading D.T. Baxter's poem for the first time Maura had been able to clearly recognize her feeling for Jane, could finally wholly comprehend that what she was feeling for her best friend was in fact more than friendship. It felt like flipping on a light switch, her love for Jane illuminated within her by the author's words.

At the time she hoped by reading the poem Jane might find the same realization. Might see Maura as more than just a friend, might be bold enough to acknowledge romantic feelings within herself as well.

Maura knew at the time it was a long shot. That the Detective had no interest in poetry and would undoubtedly end up sticking the book on a shelf and forgetting about it, and even if she did take the time to read the poem the probability that she'd have the same reaction to it was slim.

Her strategy hadn't worked then, but somehow it appeared to be working now.

While Jane's first note had sincerely affected Maura, she'd expected it to stand alone, and believed if she didn't act on it things would remain the same between them. That her commitment to keeping her distance from Jane would continue. But she'd tremendously underestimated the Detective.

At least once a day since then, but usually two or three times a day, she received a note from Jane. Always left somewhere she'd find it, always hand written, always in the same style and always simply signed with the Detective's name.

Sometimes they were accompanied with a small gift, like this morning's fudge clusters, or coffee, one time lunch, but usually they stood alone.

Maura found the little messages everywhere: her office, the autopsy suite, her office mailbox, her home mailbox, her front door, on her car. Everywhere.

Yes, outsiders might perceive Jane's tactics to be excessive, maybe even akin to a stalker, but for Maura Jane's approach was refreshing.

Maura knew Jane. Jane wasn't the type to sit back and work methodically on a long-term task, wasn't patient in her pursuit. She was the type to take immediate action, to kick down the door to get what she wanted.

Jane wasn't a sentimental woman, wasn't the type to sit down and hand write these very personal notes. So the fact that Jane was putting so much time and effort into doing this special thing for her made Maura's heart flutter just a little bit.

It's not that she was ready to fly headlong into Jane's arms; she swore she'd never leave her feelings that unguarded again, but instead she found the messages softening her to Jane. Allowing Maura to remember the woman she fell in love with. The fond memories and closeness they once shared.

But Maura also found it frustrating that Jane could so easily penetrate her defenses; begin to chip away at the protections she'd carefully constructed around her heart.

Finally remembering her original purpose, the Doctor unlocked her office door and moved to her desk; opening up the top drawer where she kept the notes she received from Jane at the precinct. She was just going to place this latest note with the rest, but instead decided to spread all of the messages out on her desk.

The sheer volume was overwhelming.

_I knew it when you reset my fractured nose in the middle of a crime scene._

_I knew it when you told me you loved me for the first time over burnt grilled cheese and wine that tasted like rancid vinegar and old garlic._

_I knew it when you 'rapped' for me._

_I knew it when we pretended to be a couple for Giovanni's benefit._

_I knew it when we shared our wedding fantasies._

And on and on and on.

Maura hadn't seen Jane at all since the notes started a week and a half ago, and the Doctor was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain her resentment when faced with only the Detective's affectionate gestures and not her physical presence.

Maura was torn.

She desperately wanted to keep denying her feelings for Jane, to focus on her budding relationship with Annabeth, but the Detective's continued efforts were tearing down Maura's meticulously erected walls; her resolve deteriorating note by note.

It was unfair that she finally had someone relatively solid in her life and couldn't fully commit because of Jane.

But it was Jane.

It had always been Jane.

There was just something about the Detective. Some kind of force that Maura was helpless to resist. It drew the Doctor in and she was scared that she could never truly be happy without Jane in her life.

No, she didn't owe Jane anything, she was rightfully angry about everything that had happened, but still the resounding 'what ifs' clouded her mind.

She wasn't sure she wanted Jane to play a romantic role in her life anymore, wasn't sure if she could ever trust the Detective with her heart, but she was certain that she missed Jane. Missed her best friend. Missed the ease of their friendship. And the notes reminding her of these simpler times weren't helping with her loneliness. Weren't helping her keep Jane at arm's length.

Her desk phone rang.

"This is Dr. Isles," she answered, pushing Jane to the back of her mind and donning her professional persona.

_"Dr. Isles, this is Officer Petty at the front desk. You have a visitor, would you please come sign her in."_

"Of course, I'll be up momentarily."

She realized as she hung up that she forgot to ask whom exactly she'd agreed to see; she thought about calling back up, but decided against it. Maybe someone in her office forgot to put an intern interview on her schedule. Maura gathered all of Jane's notes back into her top desk drawer as she stood to make her way upstairs.

As the front desk came into view she felt the air leave her lungs as she took in an attractive redhead cheerfully engaged in conversation with the front desk officer. Though it appeared Officer Petty was more interested in Annabeth's low-cut top than anything she was saying.

Maura racked her brain. Did they have plans that she'd forgotten about? No, she distinctly remembered Annabeth saying she had to work this weekend. With Maura so confused about Jane, she'd been relieved to avoid the redhead.

Annabeth turned towards Maura and a smile lit up her face as she made her way over to the Doctor.

"Hey," Annabeth said as she gave Maura a quick hug. Maura was instantly relieved nothing in their greeting appeared too intimate for work.

"Hi," she grinned as she moved away.

Maura realized she must appear perplexed as Annabeth tried to lighten the mood, "I know what you're thinking: 'what the heck is she doing here? My stalker strikes again.'"

"Not at all," Maura chuckled. "Shall we go down to my office? I can give you the grand tour."

"Oh lets, you can show me where all the bodies are buried." The other woman teased.

Maura playfully rolled her eyes, "Was that your attempt at morgue humor?"

"Only if it was funny."

Maura signed Annabeth in and the two of them made their way down to the morgue. She shut her office door and closed her blinds before the other woman pulled her into a sultry kiss.

"If only all my work days started so pleasantly," Maura whispered against Annabeth's lips.

"I'm glad you find me popping up completely unannounced pleasant." Annabeth laughed as she backed up to meet Maura's eyes. "Yesterday I got roped into a last minute speaking engagement and when they told me it was in Boston I was like, 'hey, I know a pretty lady in Boston.' I thought it might be fun to surprise you."

Maura leaned in and planted another kiss on the other woman's lips, deliberately not answering Annabeth as to whether she found her surprise visit enjoyable. She was suddenly very thankful she'd taken the time to rid her desk of Jane's notes before going upstairs.

It wasn't that she wasn't excited to see the redhead, it was just that her feelings for Jane were so complicated, so overwhelming, that she'd been looking forward to a weekend alone to sort through everything.

"So, I'm speaking to the Biochem majors at BCU tonight, and they put me up in a hotel, but…"

Maura smirked as Annabeth let her sentence trail off, obviously hinting for an invite to stay with the Doctor.

When Maura didn't immediately answer Annabeth's face fell, "I mean…if that's too presumptuous…uh…the hotel is lovely…"

"You're pretty cute when I make you squirm," Maura laughed as she placed her hands on Annabeth's hips and pulled her in for another kiss. "Of course you'll stay with me, how long are you here?"

"Currently only plans for today and tomorrow, but I could be persuaded to stay until Sunday," Annabeth replied suggestively as she tugged Maura closer.

"Hmm…well, I'll see what I can do." Maura winked.

Maura supposed the distraction Annabeth could provide would be better than sitting home alone all weekend sulking about Jane. It briefly crossed her mind that she should tell the other woman about the Detective. That it was only fair that she voice her current predicament to Annabeth, only fair that she was honest about everything that was going on. But Maura quickly dismissed those thoughts and convinced herself that she shouldn't say anything until she was confident in what she wanted.

Annabeth finally pulled her gaze away from Maura, her eyes widened as she looked around the office, "Wow, you're a pretty big deal, huh?"

Maura chuckled, "Hardly."

* * *

After Annabeth left to prepare her presentation Maura was blessed with a rare quiet Friday. She wasn't assigned any new cases and as a result didn't have to see Jane. It was a relief that she'd have at least a few more days to wrap her mind around working with the Detective again.

Annabeth's presentation at BCU went seamlessly and the pair began their impromptu weekend together.

Maura received two new notes from Jane on Saturday, but thankfully was able to hide them from Annabeth; she was relieved not to be forced into that conversation just yet.

Of course Maura enjoyed her weekend. Annabeth was a beautiful woman who desired nothing more to be in the Doctor's company. She made Maura laugh and the Doctor currently felt more connected to Annabeth than anyone else in her life.

Yet as hard as she tried Maura could not rid herself of her nagging thoughts of Jane. The Detective crowded her mind and consumed her attention. Her preoccupation did not go unnoticed by Annabeth who confronted Maura a few times as to what was bothering her. Maura deflected the redhead's inquiries with vague replies about stress at work, but felt increasingly guilty that she couldn't fully concentrate on Annabeth.

Sunday morning left the Doctor on edge. She knew Annabeth was becoming increasingly worried that she was the cause of the Maura's anxiety and was debating whether or not to finally broach the subject of Jane with the redhead before she left to go back to New York that night. Make the other woman aware of exactly why she'd been so distant this weekend.

But would actually addressing it just make things more confusing than they already were?

Annabeth was currently in the shower and the Doctor was deep in contemplation when the doorbell rang.

Unsure as to who could possibly be paying her a visit at eight o'clock in the morning she moved to the door, still in her silk pajamas and too consumed by her thoughts to consider looking through the window before opening the door.

Maura shuddered as her eyes met the familiar stare that could so easily penetrate her soul.

Jane Rizzoli stood outside her door once more.

But this time she was unable to so easily let her anger rise to the surface. This time numerous emotions battled for her attention:

_Shut the door._

_Kiss her._

_Tell her to leave._

_Tell her you love her._

But Maura remained motionless.

When holding Jane's gaze became too intense she let her eyes drop down to the Detective's left hand which clutched a large bouquet of violet hydrangeas, the Doctor's favorite flower.

Without so much as a hello Jane began to speak.

"Hydrangea macrophylla," Jane said seriously, looking at the flowers in her hand. "Native to China and Japan in the family of Hydrangeaceae."

Maura couldn't help the smile that appeared when Jane didn't butcher her pronunciation of the scientific words like she normally would.

"Blooms can be blue, red, pink, light purple, or dark purple, the color is affected by soil pH. To achieve the dark purple coloring, the blooms must be grown in acidic soil, with a pH below seven. The flowers' pigment changes in the presence of aluminum ions, which can be taken up in hyperaccumulating plants such as Hydrangea macrophylla."

Maura was holding back tears at this point and wrapped her arms around herself for something to hold on to.

Jane looked away from the bouquet and once again met Maura's eyes. "I know you've been getting my notes and I hope in the face of everything I've put you through that those moments still mean as much to you as they do to me.

I want you in my life again, Maura. Writing down our memories made me realize I'm the best possible version of myself when I'm around you, and I want to do everything in my power to make sure you know just how loved you are everyday for the rest of your life. If you'll take me back I promise to never let you be alone again."

_Say yes. Say yes. SAY YES._

_Runaway. Now._

Maura's mind demanded action, but the words didn't come. She was too stunned to say anything. Stunned at the sincerity of Jane's words, stunned at the unshed tears in the Detective's eyes, but stunned most of all by her own reaction. She simultaneously wanted to slam the door in Jane's face and jump into her arms and never let go.

She was suddenly shaken out of her reverie when Annabeth's voice came floating out of the house, "Hey baby? What time is our brunch reservation?"

* * *

**Writing this chapter was truly a labor of love. I've written and rewritten it a bunch of times and I'm still not 100% happy with it, so apologies.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**xo rdr**


	14. Chapter 14

_Baby?_

A breathtakingly attractive woman came into Jane's line of vision clad only in a silk robe that was far too short for her lanky frame. Jane instantly recognized the robe as one of Maura's and felt her stomach drop as realization began to hit her full force.

The redhead shot a small smile in Jane's direction, her eyes briefly taking in the flowers in the Detective's grasp but her body language appearing to dismiss them as a threat just as quickly.

It was instantly clear that she only had eyes for Maura.

A violent pounding roared in Jane's ears as the other woman affectionately squeezed Maura's waist before letting her hand rest on the small of the Doctor's back and pulling her closer. The move was done comfortably, without hesitation; it clearly wasn't the first time. It couldn't even be defined as predatory; it just appeared to be their natural interaction.

_This is not happening, this can't be happening._

The fog surrounding Jane only began to clear when the woman extended her hand and smiled brightly, "Hi, I'm Annabeth."

"Jane," the Detective rasped after a beat, offering a shaky hand to meet Annabeth's even though her eyes remained solidly locked on the hand that lingered on Maura's back.

Jane could feel Maura intently watching the interaction, the Doctor's eyes darting back and forth between the two women before adding, "Jane works at BPD. She's one of the homicide detectives I work with."

"Very cool," Annabeth said earnestly, without a hint of malice in her voice.

It was painfully obvious that Annabeth knew nothing about the Detective and definitely had no knowledge of Maura and Jane's shared past. The belief that she now meant that little to Maura hurt Jane more than the redhead's presence itself; the comprehension that she wasn't even worth mentioning anymore felt like a sucker punch. The kind that knocked the wind out of you so badly you were sure you'd never catch your breath again.

The tension was thick. Even Annabeth must have been able to sense the uneasiness around them as she shot Maura a subtle questioning look before dismissing herself back into the house, mumbling something witty to Jane about how her outfit was more suitable second meeting attire.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Jane, please join us for brunch if you can," Annabeth said as she kissed Maura's temple and sauntered back into the depths of the house.

Maura and Jane were once again alone, face-to-face, but Jane could no longer bring herself to make eye contact. No longer bring herself to finish what she'd started a mere two minutes ago when the world still made sense to the Detective.

She had to get out of there.

Jane gently set the flowers that she'd had in her grasp on the cobblestone walkway as she spun on her heels and began walking quickly back towards her cruiser. Tears stinging her eyes, breathing becoming an increasing difficult task.

Jane's mind abruptly halted her movements.

_Don't run! You just told her you wouldn't run._

The Detective stood still with her back turned to Maura, but she could feel the Doctor's eyes on her waiting to see her next move.

Amidst the continued throbbing in her head she did her best to compose herself as she spun back around to face Maura. To her relief the Doctor's features did not reflect the anger she'd been anticipating, but instead pain. A pain Jane could only hope was similar to the ache that was currently spreading throughout her chest.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I was just…um…surprised." Jane stammered, still not fully in control of her emotions.

"That's understandable." Maura exhaled, her voice barely above a whisper. She held Jane's gaze intently, clearly appraising the Detective's reaction to what just transpired.

Suddenly Jane's phone buzzed on her belt, she considered ignoring it, but when she heard Frost's ringtone she looked apologetically at Maura, "It's Frost…I'm sorry, I have to take this."

Maura nodded her understanding as Jane did her best to collect herself before answering with her signature, "Rizzoli."

_"Jane, I need you to come in. We just got a lead on the Sheffield murder."_

"Really? What is it?" she questioned, perking up slightly at the news.

_"I'll explain when you get here. What's your ETA?"_

She looked up at Maura still standing in the doorway, indecisive as to how to proceed. "Um…"

_"Jane? Is everything okay?" _Frost asked tentatively. "_We really need to jump on this."_

The insistence in Frost's voice finally shook her out of her wavering, "Yea, it's fine. "I'll be there in ten."

Jane hung up and replaced her phone on her belt. She sighed in frustration as she met Maura's eyes, "Frost says there's an urgent lead in the Sheffield case. I have to go."

Her brain urged her to say so much more:

_Can we talk later?_

_Can I kick that woman's ass?_

_Can we just runaway together and pretend that never happened?_

But before she could say anything more Maura interrupted her thoughts, "Of course."

They stared at each other for a moment before she gave Maura her best attempt at a smile and turned to continue her earlier movements away from the house.

Jane stepped into her cruiser but did not immediately drive away; the reality of what just occurred rendered her immobile. Incomprehension and recognition that Maura's affection belonged to someone else made tears begin to fall once more.

Maura moved on. She found someone else.

A woman? It finally hit Jane that Maura was with a woman.

_When did Maura start dating women? Why didn't anyone tell me Maura was seeing someone?_

She then realized that they probably didn't know. That the Doctor had been detached from the group since Jane's departure; that she wouldn't be gossiping about her sex life to people who'd abandoned her.

Jane rubbed her eyes with her palms as her tears continued, desperate to get a handle on the emotional chaos of her mind before heading to the precinct.

She should have known it wouldn't be that simple. Well, nothing about this was simple, but she should have known that her stupidity would cost her dearly in the long run. It always eventually caught up with her.

Out of all the confrontations she pictured as she drove to Maura's that morning, meeting the Doctor's girlfriend wasn't even a blip on her radar. Reality was so much more unbearable than the rejection she'd anticipated as the worst case scenario.

She shook herself when she remembered the urgency of Frost's call and realized how long she'd been sulking in Maura's driveway. Jane quickly threw the car in drive and sped away, but not before looking back at Maura's house one more time. She was sure if she looked hard enough she'd see fragments of her heart scattered on Maura's doorstep, the pieces unmendable, her heart would never be whole again.

* * *

"Jane? Jane. JANE. Are you listening to me?"

Frost's voice momentarily shook her out of her daze, "Yea." Jane cleared her throat and tried to sound more convincing, "Yes, Sheffield's wife has an adopted brother?"

"Yea, Peter Davis, 35, lives in Cambridge. He's not in the system, but we got a tip that he might be involved. And since he and his sister aren't blood related that could be the reason a familial match didn't show on the DNA evidence left behind."

"Mhmm." Jane hummed as bent over her desk and looked at new the evidence.

"We have enough for a search warrant and Cavanaugh wants us to bring him in for questioning in light of the newly discovered domestic violence accusations against Sheffield. Apparently Sheffield's rich buddies used their connections to keep the calls out of our system and Davis allegedly made previous threats when his sister told him what was going on."

"Yea, of course." Jane was off in her own world, hearing only bits and pieces of Frost's information.

Frost lowered his voice, "Jane, what's going on?"

Before Jane could respond Korsak entered the bullpen with search warrant in hand, "Ready?"

Jane wasn't exactly eager to talk about the morning's events, so she dismissed Frost's question with a weak smile as she stood. She grabbed her blazer off the back of her chair and followed Korsak out of the bullpen.

* * *

The drive to Davis' house was quiet, Jane's mind consumed by an endless torrent of emotion. It was obvious Frost knew something was wrong, but he didn't pursue it further once they were on their way.

Jane knew she needed to concentrate, to try to close this case with the only decent lead they'd received, but she just couldn't shift her attention away from Maura. In the past she'd always been able to compartmentalize when it came to her work, always able to push personal issues out of her mind to focus on the case at hand. But she was out of practice, hit by a bus of emotional turmoil a mere hour ago, and ill-equipped to brush her feelings aside when it came to Maura.

She just had so many questions.

_How long have they been dating?_

_Are they living together?_

_Why didn't Maura say anything to this Annabeth woman about me?_

_Do I really mean that little to Maura now?_

Jane now felt humiliated for all she'd done to try to win Maura back, idiotic in her belief that Maura just had to be softened to the Detective once more. She'd fooled herself too easily into believing she could repair everything, but no, her efforts had clearly been futile.

For the first time she let herself consider that maybe somethings were just too broken to be fixed.

They pulled up to a dilapidated house on the outskirts of town, it wasn't what they were expecting since the Sheffield family came from old money, but they were aware that the wife's family came from humble beginnings and this house reflected such.

Jane exited the car knowing she wasn't fully ready for a confrontation with a suspect, but unwilling to admit her distraction, or as she saw it, her weakness to Frost and Korsak.

They approached the house with Frost agreeing to cover the rear door in case Davis tried to flee, while Jane and Korsak remained out front.

"Peter Davis. Boston Police, we have a warrant to search the premises." Korsak bellowed as he rapped loudly on the door.

They waited a beat and when they didn't hear anyone they entered through the unlocked door with guns drawn.

Given it's dark and dank interior it didn't appear as though anyone currently lived in the house, but as a precaution she and Korsak split up to clear the house room by room. Jane took the upstairs bedrooms, while Korsak remained on the ground floor.

Jane did a cursory sweep of each room, still hopelessly distracted but trying to focus on the task at hand.

"All clear," she yelled down to Korsak as she swept the last bedroom and holstered her weapon.

She turned to head back down the stairs to execute the search warrant, but a shuffling noise behind her caught her by surprise and as she spun around to see what made the noise she felt a sharp burn in her lower back.

Jane let out a piercing cry as she fell to the floor, the pain radiating out of where she first felt the sting as she tried to remain calm.

She heard shouts and running in every direction as one gunshot rang out and the thud of a body hitting the floor echoed throughout the house.

Jane tried to flip over from her stomach to her back, but she soon gave up due to the wave of nausea and pain she felt with even the smallest movement.

Footsteps rushing towards her followed by Frost's panic voice were all she heard before everything went dark.

"Officer down, officer down."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**First, you all are incredible! I truly appreciate all the comments I received on the last chapter, your feedback actually made me rework my plan for future chapters and is why it took me a while to update. Good or bad I truly appreciate the feedback. **

**Secondly, I know how this chapters ends, but it's not what you think. This story will not turn into Maura pinning by Jane's bedside or ****an 'all is forgiven' situation, b**ut it is setting up some stuff in future chapters so bear with me.


	15. Chapter 15

A wounded animal.

There was no other way to describe Jane's expression when Annabeth joined them at the door. The Detective had never been as composed as Maura in unexpected situations, but the betrayal and distress that played on Jane's face stunned the Doctor, she certainly hadn't expected Jane to be so disturbed by Annabeth's presence.

The grief that shown in every line of Jane's features was painfully beautiful, Maura couldn't take her eyes off of Jane. That she could affect Jane so severely sent a wave of euphoria through her body as she took in the woman before her. It's not that she enjoyed seeing Jane in pain, it's that _she_ was the cause and no heartfelt words or notes could speak louder or more clearly as to Jane's true feelings for Maura in that moment.

It was liberating to know that the Detective's words and actions weren't an act, weren't a game they were authentic.

Maura picked up the flowers as she watched Jane's retreating form.

_That could have gone better_, she mused despondently as she brought the hydrangeas to her nose. The subtly sweet scent with cool undertones of freshness and hints of spice did nothing to calm her still racing heart.

Maura stepped back into the house as she heard Jane's car door slam and made her way to the kitchen to put the flowers in one of her vases. As she arranged them she found what she was certain would be Jane's last note:

_I knew it when I realized couldn't live without you._

_Jane._

For the first time that morning Maura let a single tear fall, unable to hold it back any longer.

Had she just forfeited her last chance with Jane? Made sure Jane would leave her alone? Run again?

Maura wondered if her reluctance, her inability to instantly say yes to Jane when she was standing at her door, was now simply fear. Her anger towards the Detective had gradually subsided, and she was now convinced that she still loved Jane. So was it just fear? The fear of things truly not working out? That in the long run everything would still crash and burn? The fear of Jane running once again?

Was the illusion that she could have Jane if she wanted her, better than the reality of a failed attempt at a relationship or Jane's absence once more?

It was unquestionable in her mind that she wouldn't survive getting Jane back just to lose her all over again.

Maura placed the flowers in an intricately designed, white vase that had always been one of her favorites and leaned forward against her kitchen island, her head bowed in thought.

Arms snaking around her waist startled her out of contemplation. "We're gonna be late if you don't get ready soon," Annabeth whispered as she kissed Maura's neck.

Maura closed her eyes and reclined into the contact, still attempting to compose herself.

"So, Jane?" Annabeth asked as she leaned past the Doctor to smell the hydrangeas.

"What about her?"

Annabeth spun Maura around to face her, keeping her hands on the Doctor's waist. "It just seems I may have a little competition for the good doctor's affections, that's all," she smirked.

"Why do you say that?" Maura questioned. She wondered if her body betrayed her thoughts; maybe Annabeth could see her inner turmoil more than Maura sensed. Perhaps Annabeth had caught Jane's expression as well.

Annabeth eyes dropped to the counter, "Well for starters I don't usually tell my coworkers things like, 'I knew it when I realized I couldn't live without you.' Or bring them flowers at home on a Sunday morning for that matter." Annabeth's voice didn't reflect anger or resentment, just intrigue.

Maura realized in her despair she forgot to put Jane's latest note away. So now she was forced into the conversation she'd been dreading, she had to tell Annabeth about Jane.

So she did.

And it was just as hard and just as painful as she'd imagined it would be, but she forced herself to keep her poise throughout. She didn't want Annabeth to see her that way, to see the broken, vulnerable Maura within her, the extent of the damage Jane caused. The redhead had been her salvation, her escape, and she desperately wanted to hold on to that.

Maura even told Annabeth about her current confusion, whether she should allow Jane back in her life? Whether she should leave herself that vulnerable again.

When Maura finished she couldn't make eye contact with Annabeth. She was relieved she no longer had anything to hide from the redhead, but she fully expected Annabeth to leave, to walk out like everyone else had. She expected the revelation about Jane to make Annabeth uncomfortable and unwilling to continue their relationship in the face of the truth.

But true to the redhead's style she did not have the reaction Maura anticipated.

Annabeth reached out to Maura, letting her thumb caress the Doctor's cheek and when her hand moved to Maura's chin she gently tilted her head so their eyes met.

"Do you want me to leave?" Annabeth asked with a trace of sadness in her voice.

Maura was dumbfounded, "Wh…what?"

"Do you want me to leave? Leave you alone to figure things out with Jane? I will if you want me to, but I don't want to leave."

"You don't?"

"No, Maura. I like you…a lot," Annabeth beamed, "and I'm almost certain you like me too."

Maura smiled, leaning in to Annabeth's touch a little bit more as a tear trickled down her cheek, "No. No, I don't want you to leave. Please don't leave."

The Doctor wasn't sure why she asked her to stay, maybe because Annabeth was the first person that gave Maura the option. Maybe because even in the face of Maura's confession the redhead still wanted her, still cared.

Maybe because she was the first person in a long time that Maura exposed her whole soul to who didn't walk away.

She knew her heart wanted Jane, but her mind wasn't ready to let go of Annabeth.

* * *

The call came just after four o'clock.

Maura was pulling into the grocery store parking lot after dropping Annabeth off at the train station when her phone began to buzz, Sargent Korsak's name staring back at her.

She hesitated for a moment, as if she knew nothing Vince had to say to her on a Sunday afternoon could be good news.

"Detective Korsak?"

A pause, she wondered if her uncharacteristic greeting threw him off.

"Hello?"

_"Maura."_

The strangled way in which Korsak said her name nearly made her drop the phone. She redoubled her grip, holding on for dear life.

"Vince. What's wrong?"

_"Uh…I thought you should know…well…at least I think you'd want to know."_

Her heart rate quickened as the man on the other end of the line stumbled over his words, emotion still heavy in his voice.

"Please." She wasn't completely sure what she was asking for.

_Please tell me._

_Please let her be okay._

_Please let her still love me._

_"Jane was stabbed by a suspect while we executed a search warrant in the Sheffield case."_

Maura could feel the panic attack coming on, her breathing becoming more labored with each passing second.

_She's dead._ _Jane is dead._

_"She's in surgery now."_

The word 'surgery' snapped her out of her haze. "Where?" was all she managed to rasp as her vision began to clear.

"Mass. Gen."

She hung up still having a hard time controlling her breathing. The second Korsak said surgery she knew she'd be heading to the hospital, there wasn't a doubt in her mind.

She had to see Jane.

* * *

Maura strode into the hospital, a woman possessed, her singular purpose to lay eyes on a living, breathing Jane Rizzoli.

She made her way to the surgical wing, and was approaching the nurses' station when she heard a strained voice, "Maura?"

The Doctor whirled around and found herself standing in front of the worn and tearstained Rizzoli matriarch. "Angela."

"Did Vince call you? I asked him to call you…I knew you'd want to know, that Jane would want you here." The older woman was rambling, obviously overcome with her grief and somewhat uncomfortable in Maura's presence.

Looking past Angela, Maura could see into the waiting room. It was full of cops and family. Frankie, Tommy, Frost and Korsak sat huddled in one corner all hunched with their elbows on their knees looking down at their shoes.

"Yes," the Doctor croaked, finally appreciating the gravity of the situation as she took in Frost's bloody clothes.

Maura didn't see Angela reach out for her, merely felt the older woman's hand grasping her own.

A tear slid down Angela's cheek, "Maura, this may not be the time or place, but I just…I have to say it. I just…if she…" but she was unable to finish the sentence.

The Doctor squeezed Angela's hand without a second thought.

"I'm just so sorry for everything," Angela manages after taking a few moments to gather herself. "I was so awful to you and…and…" she rapidly began breaking down again.

Maura knew Angela's tears were because of Jane's current predicament, knew that she still felt immense resentment towards this woman, but she could also hear the sincerity in her words, read it in her expression. She felt the older woman begging her and that's why her next move was to pull Angela into an embrace.

It was spur of the moment, completely out of character for the reserved doctor, but in this instant she needed the contact just as much as Angela. Needed to accept the older woman's apology rather than fight it. Needed something to quite literally hold on to.

All wasn't forgiven, that would take more than a grief fueled apology, but it was the first time since Angela moved out that Maura thought they could one day resolve things. The first time she felt more than anger towards the older woman, and she was immensely glad that Angela still thought enough of her to insist that she be informed of Jane's injury. Maura knew that was a curtsey she could have easily disregarded.

"Rizzoli?" An older gentleman in scrubs announced with a chart in his hand.

"That's us," Frankie said as the whole group stood and Angela and Maura made their way over.

"Detective Rizzoli is out of surgery, the knife perforated her left kidney and small intestine, but appears to have missed her spine and any other major organs. We did have to remove the kidney, but the loss is non-life threatening as people can live a healthy life with one kidney. Our major concern at this point is the amount of blood she lost at the scene. We've given her a transfusions and she is currently stable."

A sigh of relief reverberated throughout the room, "When can we see her?" Angela asked through a fresh batch of thankful tears as Frankie and Korsak shook the surgeon's hand.

"We're moving her to the ICU now, you can see her in about thirty minutes, but she'll be out of it for a while. And when you do visit please only two at a time, we don't want to overwhelm her."

Maura was unsure of what to do now that she'd been told Jane's life was no longer in danger. Should she stay and see Jane? She still really felt the need to lay eyes on the Detective, to see her stats and chart for herself, but didn't want to impose on the family.

She must have looked torn as she stood on the threshold trying to determine her next move, but luckily Frost came to her rescue. "Hey Doc," he patted the seat next to him, signaling for her to come over and join them. Maura didn't hesitate to accept the invitation.

The group exchanged "badass Detective Rizzoli" stories as they waited for permission to go back and see Jane and made a joke about how all the lovely women of BPD only have one kidney. Maura chose to mostly sit back and listen, too overwhelmed to really participate and still feeling like a bit of an outsider. But she found it nice to be included again, even if it was because of Jane's near demise it was a step in the right direction.

When they were given the all clear to go back to Jane's room Angela pulled Maura aside and thanked her for coming. She asked if the Doctor would like to go back with her to see Jane; Maura politely refused, stating that family should go first. The older woman wouldn't leave until Maura promised that they would talk another time, figure things out in a more appropriate setting, and Angela earnestly apologized again before leaving to visit Jane.

Maura waited until everyone visited before she made her way back to the Detective's room. Frost, Frankie and Korsak asked if she wanted company, but she felt this was something she need to do alone, needed to see alone.

She pushed through the door and let her eyes fall on Jane in a hospital bed; not a new sight, but one she'd never gotten used to and never wanted to. She stood in the doorway for a few long minutes, listening to the whirls and beeps of the machines. Checking Jane's vitals to confirm that she was in fact stable.

Slowly she moved away from the door to the side of Jane's bed and reached towards the Detective with a trembling hand. She traced Jane's fingers with her own, needing to touch them, to feel their warmth.

"You had everyone a little worried there." Maura said, more out of a need disrupt the stillness than anything else.

She was quiet for a long time, unsure of what she wanted to express since Jane was sedated and wouldn't be listening. She found comfort in rubbing her thumb over the back of Jane's hand; the Detective's smooth skin under her touch, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time.

"I miss you," she finally whispered.

The tears began to fall, not because of the physical injuries of the woman in front of her, but because of the emotional damage Maura couldn't envision how to repair. Actually saying those words made their situation seem that much more hopeless to the Doctor.

"I miss you so much," she repeated a little louder this time, "but how do we move on from here? How can we ever rebuild what we used to have?"

It would have been easy in this moment for Maura to stay, to wait for Jane to wake up and confess her love once more. To tell the Detective that she wants her back, that Annabeth has never meant as much to her as Jane did…does. But acting impulsively when it came to Jane had gotten her nowhere and she was still far too untrusting to forget their history, to just let everything go. And she was certain after today's events that they'd have to work harder than a brash hospital bed revelation to find solid ground again.

After a few more minutes of silence she brought Jane's hand to her lips and kissed it softly.

"I just needed see for myself that you're okay."

Maura placed Jane's hand gently back on the bed and made her way out of the room before she lost her nerve.

* * *

**Okay, so there was a little pining. My bad. But no more.**

**xo rdr**


	16. Chapter 16

Jane's first thought upon waking was that the throbbing pain she felt in her back was due to falling asleep at an odd angle on her couch. She tried to flip over to relieve the pressure, but her movements just seemed to worsen the growing discomfort.

Slowly she opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. A hospital room, her mother asleep on the small couch against the wall, Frankie propped up in a chair on the other side of the room as a dim light shown through the window signaling early morning.

She groaned as another wave of pain coursed through her.

Her mother stirred at the noise, cracking one eye open to observe Jane's restless movements.

"Oh Janie! Thank God!" Angela cried, jumping up from her spot and rushing over to the Detective.

Jane groggily moaned again as Frankie began to stir in his chair at their mother's outburst and Angela grabbed her hand.

"What happened?" Jane rasped as Frankie rushed over to the side of Jane's bed opposite their mother.

Frankie and Angela exchanged a concerned look.

"You…you don't remember?" Frankie asked hesitantly.

Jane shot Frankie an incredulous scowl as surge of pain again stung her.

Her brother must have taken her look as a 'no' and cleared his throat. "You were stabbed, Jane," he said solemnly.

Jane took in the uncertainty in her brother and mother's faces before her brain suddenly flashed back, she remembered entering the dilapidated house in Cambridge with Korsak. Remembered clearing the bedrooms and then, yes, she remembered falling to the floor in pain, the sound of a gunshot.

Upon her recollection, Jane bolted up in bed. She instantly regretted the sudden movement. She groaned but pushed through the haze of pain that threatened to grip her, "Are Frost and Korsak okay? What happened to Davis?"

"Jane! Lie back down," Angela scolded, "You just had major surgery!"

"Surgery?!" Jane questioned in disbelief as Frankie helped her slowly lower her torso back to the bed.

"Yea, Janie. You were stabbed in the lower back. It ended up hitting one of your kidneys and your intestines and you needed surgery to fix it. And uh…you only have one kidney now." Frankie informed her as gently as the situation allowed.

"What about Frost and Korsak?" she demanded, trying not to let the overwhelming information distract her.

"Oh, they're find, just worried about you," Angela huffed. "Honestly, couldn't you have picked a less dangerous career? I mean look at you, first week you're back to fulltime and you're stabbed. Lose a kidney. What next?"

Frankie gave their mother a cautionary glare, "Come on Ma, she just woke up, give her five minutes before you start in with the parental guilt trip."

The multitude of thoughts battling for Jane's attention drowned out her mother and brother's argument.

_What's the last thing I remember? Clearing the last bedroom, turning around and then a sharp sting._

She'd indeed been stabbed by someone. The gunshot.

"Hey, hey, you two. Take it down a notch. Frankie, who stabbed me? Who got shot?"

Frankie softened the defensive frown he'd been directing at their mother at Jane's question. "Davis stabbed you and Korsak shot him as he came down the stairs still wielding the knife. His injuries weren't life threatening and he confessed to Sheffield's murder and to stabbing you."

She nodded in response to her brother's information, still attempting to reconcile the events of the previous day in her mind.

"I'm going to go get a nurse since you're awake," her mother stated as she bustled out of the room.

As Angela exited Frankie took a long and hard look at Jane. She could tell he wanted to ask her something, but was deciding whether or not it was the right time.

"Spit it out Frankie, you look constipated when you make that face."

Frankie rolled his eyes and mock laughed, "Good to see they didn't have to remove your funny bone."

He waited a second longer before he continued. "What the hell happened in that house Jane? Korsak said you gave the all clear seconds before you were stabbed."

Jane averted her eyes; to be honest she'd just been wondering the same thing. Had she overlooked a closet, not looked behind a door? Had she been too preoccupied by her encounter with Maura that morning to do her job? What if Davis had stabbed her partners too, it all would have been her fault.

"I honestly don't know, Frankie," she answered semi-truthfully.

Frankie opened his mouth to question her further, but a woman entering her room in a white coat saved her from further interrogation.

"Detective Rizzoli, good to see you awake," she said as she approached the bed with Jane's chart tucked under her arm. "I'm Dr. Mallory Greer," she smiled as she extended her hand to the Detective.

Jane shook Dr. Greer's hand and returned as close to a smile as she could muster with the increasing pain.

"What happened to Dr. Andrews?" Angela questioned with a wary look in the woman's direction as she reentered the room. "He's the one who's been checking on Jane. And he's quite a looker too," Angela whispered behind her hand at the Detective, although it was said much too loudly to keep the statement between the two of them.

Jane exasperatedly let her head fall into her hands, and Dr. Greer chuckled at Jane's mortified expression as she helped her roll onto her side so she could examine the wound on her lower back.

"While I may not be as handsome as Dr. Andrews I assure you I'm more than qualified to care for the Detective here," Dr. Greer replied good-humoredly. "Dr. Maura Isles asked me to oversee your care for the remainder of your stay at Mass. Gen."

Jane did a double take, which made the throbbing in her back radiate through her whole body. "Maura? You know Maura?" she asked a little more aggressively than she intended.

"Oh yes, Dr. Isles and I went to med school together. Actually, we were lab partners in a few classes at BCU."

Jane didn't hear the rest of what Dr. Greer was saying, she was still too focused on the fact that Maura called in a favor for her. Had felt the need to make sure Jane had the best care regardless of the current status of their relationship. Her pain suddenly seemed to lessen at this realization.

Maura still cared. And Even if it was just a little bit the Detective couldn't have asked for more in that moment.

Her mother's voice shook her out of her daydreaming, "Jane? JANE!"

"Sorry, what?" She shook her head in an attempt to regain her composure.

"You're being so rude. Dr. Greer is trying to ask you questions and you're off in your own world." Angela scolded.

Jane glared at her mother, but turned her attention back to Dr. Greer with an apologetic grin.

Dr. Greer increased Jane's pain medication, determined that the wound was clean with no signs of infection and found the Detective's urine output normal.

"Do you have any questions for me, Detective Rizzoli?" she asked as the removed her gloves and jotted down some notes in Jane's chart.

"Please, call me Jane, and I can't think of anything right now." In truth she could think of little other than Maura right now and Dr. Greer didn't seem like the appropriate person to ask these particular questions.

Dr. Greer looked up from her chart with a smile, "Alright, and you should feel free to call me Mallory if that makes you more comfortable, any friend of Dr. Isles is a friend of mine. I'll be back to check on you in a few hours and if you need anything just have one of the nurses page me."

All three Rizzolis thanked Dr. Greer as she left.

Angela was the first disturb the stillness Dr. Greer's exit brought, "Well she is lovely, and that was so nice of Dr. Isles to make sure you got the best treatment. I'm surprised she didn't say anything when she was here last night…"

Jane barely restrained herself from bolting upright again, interrupting her mother as she rambled on, "Wait, Maura was here?"

"Of course, Vince called and told her what happened."

"And you…talked to her?" Jane questioned hesitantly.

Angela's face softened, "Yes, Maura and I had a nice chat."

Jane had a hard time reconciling this new development. Maura came to the hospital? Why? What changed between their encounter at Maura's house to when she was stabbed? And why were Maura and her mother suddenly speaking again?

The new information left Jane deep in contemplation for the remainder of the morning. Her thoughts ranged from irrationally giddy at the prospect of the lengths Maura went to for her to despondent when faced with the reality that everything the Doctor did was simply due to her injuries.

Frankie eventually had to leave for his shift, which meant that Jane was left alone with their busybody mother who couldn't seem to sit still or stop nagging Jane about the perils her hazardous job.

By early afternoon Jane could take Angela's pestering no longer and sent her mother on a hunt for another pillow. She hoped the ruse would buy her at least a few minutes of peace and quiet.

"Look who I found out in the hall," Angela announced cheerfully as she reentered Jane's room only a minute or two later. The Detective's eyes looked up from the magazine she'd been flipping through and the sight made her entire body tense.

A very sheepish Maura Isles trailed in behind her mother with a large gift basked in hand.

Jane lowered her head and blinked twice to make sure the woman standing in front of her wasn't a hallucination, or a side effect from the copious amounts of pain medication coursing through her.

She looked up again she took in Maura's nervous expression, the Doctor's pallor and fidgeting made Jane even more nervous than she was originally.

As the silence stretched on between them Jane's trepidation grew.

"Hi," Jane said out of a need to say anything to end the uncomfortable stalemate.

"Hi," Maura rasped back without making eye contact.

Angela must have sensed the tension and excused herself to resume her search for the extra pillow, leaving the two women alone.

The silence once again grew deafening between the two women.

Jane couldn't make her brain form cohesive thoughts with Maura standing merely feet away. What was she supposed to say now that she knew Maura had been at the hospital the previous night, that she'd arranged for Dr. Greer to manage her recovery? Now that she knew about Annabeth? What could possibly be a good opening line in this situation?

Maura interrupted her thoughts. "I'm sorry, I came by to drop this off at the nurses station and ran into your mother. I'm…I'm just going to go." She shifted to place her gift basket with the others.

"Please don't," Jane said quickly, surprising herself and the Doctor who halted her movements towards the door. "I mean…unless you have somewhere you need to be…"

Maura hesitated, "Well…no, nowhere I need to be right at this moment."

They stared at one another, each waiting for the other to make a move, or say something.

Finally Jane decided she needed to take the initiative. This was her responsibility, her mess to clean up, not Maura's.

"Sorry I had to leave so suddenly yesterday," Jane said quietly as she looked down into her lap.

For the first time since the events of Sunday morning Jane felt embarrassed. Self-conscious about the lengths she gone to in order to win over a seemingly very taken Maura Isles. The reality of Annabeth at the door finally sinking into her consciousness.

Of course knowing Maura was dating someone else didn't change how she felt about the Doctor. Nothing could change the desire in her heart, but she wondered now where the two stood. What type of relationship she could hope for in the future.

Maura's low, shaky voice floated out towards her, "It's alright, you were doing your job."

"Annabeth seems great," Jane said before she could stop herself, finally forcing her eyes up from her lap to gauge Maura's reaction.

"She is," the Doctor replied succinctly, still looking as anxious as when she first entered the room as she absent-mindedly played with the ring on her right hand.

Jane's heart fell a little at Maura's words, but she chastised herself. What else was Maura supposed to say about her girlfriend?

"How are you feeling?" Maura asked as she tentatively took a step towards Jane's bed.

The Detective wrinkled her forehead, unsure of how to answer the vague question.

_Miserable. Melancholy. Like the pain in my back is laughable when compared to that of my heart._

"I've been better," she said with a hint of sarcasm, deciding it was a safe answer concerning all of her current ailments.

Maura nodded and they remained in awkward silence for a few more moments while Jane determined what to say next.

"Thank you."

Maura finally looked up and met Jane's gaze. "For what?" The Doctor's bewildered expression made Jane think she'd chosen the wrong thing to say.

"For the gift basket…and for making sure I'm taken care of…and…for being here. For staying when I asked you to." Jane forced herself to maintain eye contact as she said this; even if her voice was unsteady she needed Maura to read the sincerity in her eyes.

Maura visibly relaxed, like a weight had just been lifted off her shoulders. "Of course, Jane. Dr. Greer is a old friend and a renowned trauma surgeon; she was more than happy to oversee your care for the remainder of your stay."

For a moment Jane considered letting Maura's response stand, but she couldn't. She needed the Doctor to understand what exactly she was thanking her for.

Jane again met Maura's eyes as she gathered courage. "I guess what I'm really trying to say is…thank you for still caring about me." Her voice was stronger than she'd expected.

"Of course I still care about you, Jane."

Now it was the Detective's turn to look bewildered.

"Why?"

Maura's brow furrowed at first, as if she didn't know the answer to this question either, but all at once her features softened. "Because even after everything that's happened, deep down, I'd still like to believe that somewhere in there is my best friend," she said as she gestured at Jane.

The tears that blurred Jane's vision came without warning and she quickly ducked her head to try and regain her composure.

For her part Maura remained quiet, giving Jane time to gather herself.

When the Detective finally looked up again she nodded at Maura and opened her mouth just as her door opened to reveal Dr. Greer.

"Maura!" Mallory happily exclaimed, as she moved to embrace the Doctor.

Maura gingerly returned the hug as the two exchanged pleasantries. Jane watched the women in silence, equal measures relieved and annoyed by Dr. Greer's interruption.

"Well, I should get going so you can do your examination," Maura said as she spun towards the door.

The panic began to rise within Jane; she needed to know this wouldn't be the last time the two saw each other. Needed to hold on to some future date and time where she would be able to see Maura again.

"Maura?" Jane said before the Doctor could exit the room.

Maura whirled around to face Jane with a curious expression.

The Detective felt her resolve melting bit by bit purely when caught in the piercing stare of this woman, but she pushed on, "Can we talk when I get out of here? Like…really talk?"

Surely Jane only waited a few seconds for Maura's answer, but it felt like a lifetime. "I'd like that," she replied earnestly.

Jane couldn't contain the smile that appeared on her own features at the Doctor's response and she realized the muscles in her face were out of practice at forming this particular expression.

For a moment Jane's brain didn't register that Maura was smiling back at her. The look on the other woman's face so foreign in their recent interactions that it didn't seem possible. But sure enough Maura was grinning broadly back at her, and oh, Jane is sure seeing that radiant smile directed at her again is enough to stop her heart.

She briefly mused that is was a good thing she was already in a hospital.

* * *

**Sorry it took so long to update, life got in the way. But this lovely snow day gave me some time to catch up.**

**xo rdr**


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